Inside...

Just An FYI

2009-11-07T20:39:00.001-05:00

My new blog address is http://threefoureighty.clipz-status.com/

And I've updated quite a bit so that's the new location.

All old blogs have been transferred over there as well.

Don't Be So Quick To Hit Delete

2009-10-15T05:45:00.002-04:00

Long story short: ErOneH8zDerek via Twitter no longer exist.

Wasn't really no reason to delete the account, just allowed some shit to force me to press that delete account button. So when folks heard about me closing the account, it was met with criticism and come back because we'll miss you replies. (read: yeah right)

So I decided to take a page from the homie Jamil by way of Nas and just destroy and rebuild.

New Twitter name: Mo_Rease (Read it slowly...Mo Rease..Maurice.. Get it.. Got it.. Good.)

That's all for now.

Peace.

Loyalty

2009-10-13T15:40:00.000-04:00

1. the state or quality of being loyal; faithfulness to commitments or obligations. 2. faithful adherence to a sovereign, government, leader, cause, etc. 3. an example or instance of faithfulness, adherence, or the like: a man with fierce loyalties.

Who are you loyal to? Those that show loyalty towards you? Or are you selective with whom that is given to?

Throughout life, it seems as if that our loyalties can be tested in so many ways. Like if a person shows that they can be shady in some ways, would you still have their back when the chips are down? Or what if you were in a bind, would those so called friends still be the same ones that hold you down in a bind?

My problem is that I hold too many loyalties. Like it could be times that I needed some help but the ones that "said they would help" were nowhere to be found. But if they needed something, I would be right there.

I guess I should limited my loyalites those that deserve it. It's really a select few and they know who they are.

Changes?

2009-10-10T01:24:00.000-04:00

For the past couple of weeks, I've gone through a what some would say a down phase. What I can say is that, things are somewhat better but that light at the end of the tunnel is far away. Some days I just want to break down and just scream to release this built up tension but I can't bring myself to do it. Then the person that I need to talk to is being distant, so there lies another issue.

People offer their ears to listen, but right now I can't discuss what's going on. I will eventually and I just have to brace myself to endure what comes of it. I don't regret the things that I've done, because they were meant to happen. Hey that's the way life goes.

Some people will look at me and say nice things about my character. I'm modest about it because I just find myself to average. If I could right those wrongs, then maybe things would be different. *exhales* I want to say more but I can't.. Well the person that this is directed towards knows how I feel.

"So I ain't mad, don't blame y'all, I blame me
Put a wall in my path, I'm just gonna knock it down or go through it
Before you try to knock that down, go through it
Try it and go do it, the folk in my world won't look at you so stupid" - Joe Budden

Not Feeling Myself As Of Late

2009-10-04T12:07:00.000-04:00

I really thought that the worst was over, but I got hit with something else. Not that it was bad but I should have just left the subject alone.

"The decision made will affect one of us."

Saturday.. I hung out with my best friend. Now I use that term lightly because she's one of the few that will give it to me straight no chaser. Sometimes I need to hear the truth and it hurts but I have to bear it.

So in the middle of typing this, this tweet made me smile:

Don't be afraid to use your ammunition, that lady should of, would have, could have, saved herself. Rule number 4 - Double Tap - Columbus

So I checked this movie out yesterday. It was stupid but in a funny way, so yeah I will have this on DVD.. Also the Bill Murray cameo was hilarious.

Well I'm off to do something constructive.

GO RAVENS!!!!

2009-10-01T19:16:00.000-04:00

I'm on the outside knocking
Hoping that you'll hear me calling
And that you'll allow your heart to stop blocking
I'm working extra hard or not trying hard enough
One minute you give me access, then the next I'm restricted
Past pains cause your emotions to remain tough
Late night those dreams starts to play and I drift off into space
Hoping that I get a chance to hold you close
Waking up greeting you with morning kisses on your face
Tossing and turning in my imaginary vision
Your arms reaching out and I'm coming for your embrace
As I reach you, the dream stops and you disappear
No replays - just thoughts of what I want to be
But reality is staring at me saying she isn't going nowhere

Who's Really To Blame?

2009-09-26T08:08:00.002-04:00

So a few days ago at the taping of VH1's Hip Hop Honors, KRS-One said that while there is no hip hop without Def Jam, they are the same ones that destroyed it.

Wait..what?

Now as I watched the clip, I understand where Kris was coming from. But you can't put the blame of one label's success for the impending demise as well. Def Jam has been around as long as I've been around. You think about the early days w/ LL Cool J, T La Rock, The Beastie Boys. Then the 90's w/ Jay-Z, DMX, Foxy Brown and later on w/ Ludacris and other acts.

Now if other labels that were around wanted to get that same success that Def Jam did, then they should have did what they had to do in order to get that money. Def Jam knew the rules to the game, so they ran with it. And although most of the marquee, they're still a top notch label.

But fans aren't looking for lyrical skill, they want that simple music. Turn on the radio and what do you hear? Soulja Boy, Gucci Mane (Still don't know why he's being forced down our throats), Lil Wayne, Drake, etc. And every label or genre of hip hop has it's due time. Right now, the bubble gum rap is on the clock.

Moving Forward

2009-09-25T13:13:00.000-04:00

Time for me to break free from my shackles and face my past
Watch those demons perish and bad memories shatter like glass
They wonder why I keep my life a secret
Because for 9 months inside my moms belly she kept my life a secret
Doctor's visit confirmed what she already knew
March 4th came and I was a week overdue
So a newborn child, Moms was 21 and didn't know what to do
So for years, we were on the move
Different houses in East Baltimore, her pride heavy so she had so much to prove
Bullied and pushed around during my youth
I inherited a bad attitude just look at my father for proof
Tried to reach out for a relationship and each time it failed
So on that note, I swallowed my pride and bailed
I knew writing this wouldn't be easy
Because talking about myself would have me looking lost like C. Breezy
No bowtie but I cry tears of a clown
Reading this will have you thinking of Lauryn singing All Falls Down
Kept to myself because I was afraid to share all of myself
So this week's events prompted me to take these feelings off the shelf
Writing this eased the pain and made me feel less less in orbit
So here's a middle finger to past and a new strength to keep moving forward

Aftermath

2009-09-23T13:51:00.001-04:00

Her words crushed my soul with a right hook
With every word she spoke, left my brain feeling shook
This won't have a happy ending so if you can't handle it, try not to look
So hard to keep the chapters closed when your life's an open book
The pain inflicted cut me open and the wound started to bleed
Had to face what I was running from so a reality check was in need
All she wanted was honesty and I kept something that didn't feel right
Hurt her even more that she had to be the one to bring it to light
So now I lost the part of her that needed most -- trust
With this out in the open, I hope what's left of what we have don't blow away like dust

First Day Of Autumn

2009-09-23T07:35:00.002-04:00

My last 24 hours or so has been pure hell to say the least. What I'll say is that things from your past needs to be addressed no matter what the circumstances. The fact that I'm so guarded about my past is because I rather not relive certain events. But I don't feel my normal self. I just feel like my world has imploded within. I don't have anyone to blame but myself. I hope to be forgiven but if not then that's what I'll have to live with.

So now what? I'll just use this to motivate myself in the long run. Like I don't judge anyone since I'm not God. We all have made bad decisions in our past, we all have flaws. Not perfect, none of us.

This just feels so bad. And I wish I could reach out and just talk. But *sigh* what can I do?

I want to say thank you to: Jennifer, Shayla, Shani and Courtney for just listening.

Dear Derek

2009-09-19T02:54:00.002-04:00

Once again we meet and as usual, you blame me for the reason that you feel the way you do. I understand that heart and mind may disagree, but it's up to you to get them on the same level. Meaning that you need to get them both playing on the same team if you truly want to be happy.

I know there are relationships that begin and end daily. Most of those individuals are just as lost as you are. They too need to get things together within themselves. But enough about them, let's focus back on you. I'm going to get to the bottom of why you and I butt heads over the years.

First of all, you find yourself attracted to those that do more harm than good. The ones that wouldn't throw water on you of your soul was on fire. The ones that spit a good game but their style states otherwise. I gave you opportunities with those that mattered. Those that were there for you through good and bad. You let them get away. All they wanted was your love. You gave them that and then things went sour.

So instead of blaming me, you need to check yourself. Trying to advance but you can't steal second with your foot on first. Yeah that was a Budden line, but it applies to you. Stop looking for the worst and appreciate what you have from the start. Allowing your insecurities to get the best of you, will have you alone in the long run. Young fool will turn into old fool.

Sincerely,

Love

Pop Culture Headache

2009-09-17T02:08:00.002-04:00

I really don't feel like typing this but I'm going to get this out of the way:

If you've been under a rock, Kanye West and Lil Mama both made headlines on Sunday. Kanye interrupted Taylor Swift to say that Beyonce had one of the hottest videos in the decade. Lil Mama crashed Jay-Z and Alicia Keys' performance of Empire State Of Mind. Both acts have been roasted via Twitter. I'm just asking for it to stop because.. it's been old fast.

Weekend's Too Freakin' Short

2009-09-14T01:26:00.002-04:00

You close your eyes and wake up, it's Monday morning.

Well this weekend was pretty much cool. Barbershop visit and we always act a fool in there. Then I chilled for the rest of the day. I got the photos to prove it. Had dinner, watched a movie, went to sleep.. you know typical things.

Football season is back in full swing. Ravens won of course so you know I'm good with that.

VMA's came on tonight and I'll give a brief run down of my thoughts:

1. Kanye's will do anything to make headlines.

2. Lady Gaga is a very interesting female.

3. Pink should next be in Ringling Bros.

4. Green Day still got it.

5. Muse is the shit.

6. This should've been #1 to me, but Janet Jackson performance killed.

7. Beyonce does have a heart indeed.

8. Lil Mama's performance crash, ended Jay-Z/Alicia Keys performance on a WTF moment. Currently she's being roasted on Twitter.

Ok so now that's all said and done, I need to take myself to sleep.

Peace.

Morning Blues

2009-09-02T08:57:00.000-04:00

So this is the new schedule:

Work: Mon, Wed, & Fri

School: Tues & Thurs

Sat & Sun: ???

The picture is clear, no HD.

So after 3 classes(1 professor was absent and my other class is tomorrow), I think this semester will be decent. Hopefully I will be able to keep focus(who knew that learning about Human Resources could be boring?)

But again, I'm humbled at this opportunity so I'll make the most of it.

First Of The Month..

2009-09-01T11:01:00.002-04:00

"... And it starts" - Lupe Fiasco

You know they say when you see signs, you shouldn't ignore them. Well the writing's on the wall and I'm heeding that advice.

But anyway good people, it's been a minute since I last posted something meaningful here. *exhales* But life goes on. Today's the first day of school and as usual, I'm unprepared. I don't have my books (I'll get them on Thursday) but it's good to have your family there to support you through these times.

I am ready to face this challenge and just hope that I land clearly when the smoke clears. I look at how I've done things and granted while I could've made adjustments, this road traveled must be the one that I'm destined to take.

One thing I would like to accomplish this semester, is trying to be more engaging towards others. I know for a few that's reading this, it's going to be a shocker because how I'm just the type to play the background. Well orientation kind of opened up things a little bit. But I just need to get out of this shell.

Well I may be updating through out the day so keep your eyes opened..Ha yeah right.

Trying To Say Thank You.

2009-08-28T09:05:00.000-04:00

Most that know me that I'm not most socialable type of person, but if something is given to me, I'm appreciative of the gesture. I don't like to bother anyone about something because some have that tendency of holding it over your head later. But what I'm really trying to say is thank you to everyone that has played their role in regards to my life. Whether it was tough love, encouragement, reality checks, it is well appreciated. Even those that have a lot going on, I give thanks too. You show that when the chips are down, you rise to the occasion and do what is needed to be done.

This next phase that I'm ready to enter, I hope that I still get that support from you. And know that when you need it from me, it's a given. We are all stars.

Most importantly, thanks should be given to our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. We often take for granted the opportunites that were made for us, but we as people should look to him and say thank you. I know that probably will turn some people off but whatever.

Why I Love Pearls Before Swine

2009-08-16T08:06:00.002-04:00

True story.

Slaughterhouse

2009-08-12T05:18:00.003-04:00

Four MC's representing from four cities coming together for 1 purpose: HIP-HOP!!!

Joe Budden from New Jersey, Joell Ortiz from Brooklyn, Royce Da 5'9 from Detroit and Crooked I from Long Beach are the supergroup known as Slaughterhouse. They released their album which was dubbed, Slaugust 11th. From the opening track, they let it be known that it's SERIOUS BUSINESS. On the opening track, Sound Off, you get a glimpse of how they formed together like Voltron. I really enjoyed Joell Ortiz's description of how he's always hungry so that's why he's the torso. On Not Tonight, the gang takes over the track that was once used previously (I know it's a recession but damn lol). Lead single, The One has a rock feel to it. In the last verse, Joe claims he's Melo so he's looking for Lala (Love that line). I'm not really gonna go deep into a review because that could take all day. But the whole album to me from start to finish, is worth the $9.99 @ Best Buy.

As I was telling someone via Twitter, this album is what hip-hop needed. Doesn't matter if you love them or hate them (Folks on JBTV are brutal.), this is what the game needed. Yeah I know Lil Wayne claimed to had brought it back to life on Dr. Carter but Slaughterhouse has it up and running again. This album made me a fan of Royce and Crooked I. You know how you may hear a person rhyme but not really pay any attention to them, well those two opened my ears alot. This album has the feel to take me back to when Ready To Die, Illmatic, The Chronic, Doggystyle, Reasonable Doubt and other classic albums were released. I know I'm gonna catch hell for comparing this album those that I mentioned but that's just me. I know artists put their heart and soul into what they do. (Wait.. some are just pure lazy. Seriously, how can Gucci Mane be taken serious as an artist?) But if I don't get that same feeling that I get when I first heard Ready To Die, then it won't persuade me to go buy that album.

I hope this album sells well because you are getting your monies worth.

Good Gone Bad

2009-08-09T07:59:00.002-04:00

I'm here to slay the myth and kill the dragon
I wish I could be more positive but I feel cursed
Such a bad feeling overwhelms my mind
Crushing hopes and false feelings may leave your bubble burst.
So why do I allow this to occur? Disappointment rages leaving my heart scarred and burned
So I place you all in the same category. Not fair to you but you haven't been fair to me.
Left feeling vulnerable but you can say that this is a lesson learned.
So why do I continue to self inflict this pain?
Knowing that this should've been well over.
But I'm stuck in this enduring downfall of rain.
No umbrellas just the story of my life and no happy results.
Just a mess of broken dreams and plenty letdowns nested inside my brain.
I wrote it a letter but haven't gotten a reply yet.
But it's becoming clear that it's not you, it's all of me.
Fate was already written pre-birth but I tried to stay illmatic.
Maybe it's something that you notice that I still can't see.
I want to change the ending but my story has already been told.
Such a bad feeling for anyone to keep in possession.
The fate of when a good heart turns cold.

This Is Me

2009-08-05T15:03:00.000-04:00

Mary J. Blige has a song called Take Me As I Am. The singer from Houston had a song called Flaws And All. Well it seems when it comes to our imperfections, some people tend to overlook theirs and are quick to point out others. Like they were created in the image of Jesus himself. None of us are. As much as we try not to, we tend to judge each other on things that we can or can't control. I know I'm not perfect as I have scars, bumps and other things on me as well. Some just tend to think that they are just the world's gift. Things can change in an instant or it could be passed down to your next generation. So if you can't accept me for who I am, then move the fuck on. No need for you to be around me if I don't fit what society deems as "correct". If I can accept you for your stutter and your wandering eye, then you should be able to do the same for me. Then it just annoys me that those have way more imperfections should be more grateful instead of tearing others down. But whatever, it will be the same ol superficial, egotisitc people that some of you are.

Friendship Losses

2009-08-03T16:58:00.001-04:00

Yesterday, I had to walk away from it all.
We had built something strong in the beginning.
Then this unraveled and started to fall.
Mostly I'm to blame for lack of communication.
We ended up on opposite sides of the fence.
Like strangers walking past headed in the opposite direction.
Kept it all in perspective, you were making your own moves.
Feeling kind of bugged that it came to a halt this way.
Wanted to keep trying, vying for your attention.
The more that I spoke, the more I started to lose my say.
So I'm ending this while it's still fresh in my mind.
Hurts deep that the friendship had to suffer at the end of the day.

Dear Love,

2009-08-02T07:11:00.000-04:00

Well once again we have come to a crossroads in our paths. The heart and mind constantly disagree on which way to follow you. They both have the best interests but they tend to view you in a different light. The heart is loyal and will stay down through thick and thin. The mind wants to analyze the situation and do what needs to be done in order to protect the heart. So they battle constantly until one slips and allows the counterparts to gain the upper hand.

So where does that leave you? Day in and night out, you have so many relationships beginning and ending. You've been widely appreciated and knowingly abused. You've been kept a secret and overly commercialized. February 14th should be everyday since you take no days off. But what about those that can't seem to reach you? They want to experience that trait you have to offer. Maybe their time hasn't came yet.

So many times I've tried to avoid you. But it seems like you placed someone else there. Tried to play things off but you used the trickery to reel me right back in. Like a fiend, I took the drug. Let the high consume my soul. What is the secret to finding success with you? Lord knows that I don't want to end up older in age still searching for that answer.

Then I turned to music for guidance. Danity Kane trusted you and now you're poetry to them. Seems like those words will touch your soul. Duffy dealt with you and was left crying at Warwick Avenue. Mary J. Blige made many songs about the joys and pain you gave her. Carl Thomas was left emotional. So much pain funneled to the word through music. They do say that pain can bring joy. Mariah once thanked God for finding you.Tamia couldn't get enough of you. Luther, Barry, and countless others have rejoiced in the way that you made them proud.

So it would seem as if we had a lengthy history. Not strangers but not really familiar either. Tried to take chances but ended up avoiding those boundaries. As much as I try to distance myself, we manage to cross paths.

So how do we begin this next chapter?

Yours truly,

Derek

Week In Rewind

2009-08-01T01:17:00.001-04:00

So those are some blurry photos from the Ghostface/Method Man & Redman show.. Sue me. If I would've been closer they would've came out better!!!! But I had fun. I think everyone did.

So tonight I saw

Funny People.

This movie was great. And not just because it has Seth Rogen and the usual Judd Apatow crew but the storyline itself was presented lovely. Aziz Ansari needs his own feature film now!!! But Funny People is a movie about a comedian George Simmons (Sandler) who discovers that he has a terminal illness. So he decides to go do stand up one night and also there is a struggling comedian named Ira who goes on after Simmons. Simmons liked his act and decides to hire him as a writer/P.A. So as time goes on the movie made me reflect on things like life and those you have around you. It's a scene where they are having Thanksgiving dinner and Simmons says something about he never thought he was the old guy until he met them. That's how I see myself when I'm around some younger ones and I start to show my age on some topics. Leslie Mann, Jonah Hill, RZA, Jason Schwartzman and Apatow's real life daughters also star in the movie. But there's one female that caught my eye in this movie:

Aubrey Plaza plays Daisy who's also a comedian in the movie. She was like the weird kinda like out of place female but she caught my interest as soon as see appeared on the screen. So yeah I'm gonna really start checking for Parks & Recreation more often.

Me Day.

2009-07-25T23:34:00.000-04:00

If anyone reads this and is confused by the title, then just read along for clarification.

So originally, I was supposed to had headed out of town but at the last minute I just decided that fuck it, I'll stay home this weekend. So I went to the barbershop and had some laughs. After that, I was just going to go home but I wanted to stop at Best Buy. But ended up walking down Canton (South Baltimore). They really built that place up over the years. Hotels, restaurants, waterfront properties, etc.

So I headed to the Landmark Theaters and I see two of my old managers that I worked @ Muvico with. So I got to see a free movie. But I had like an hour or so to kill so I walked around one of the hotels and sat on the benches and just had a moment to just think. I took some photos as well. (It's the camera whore inside of me lol). Then I realized how close Best Buy was so I went there and I brought The Wackness, Low Down Dirty Shame and I'm Gonna Get You Sucka.

So I head back to the movies to see:

It stars Joseph Gordon-Levitt(3rd Rock From The Sun, Angels In The Outfield, 10 Things I Hate About You) and Zooey Deschanel. The story is that Tom (Gordon-Levitt) falls in love with Summer (Deschanel). (Real stretch right?) But Summer let's him know up front that she's not looking for anything serious but she likes him. So eventually, they kick it doing things that couples do. Through out the story it goes on about certain days (hence the title). Kinda like this, you meet someone and things start out cool but then after awhile things head downhill. And those cute lovey dovey days you had in the beginning turns into dark days of torture. I won't go into too much but I'll drop some quotes:

Tom: What happens when you fall in love?
Summer: You believe in that?
Tom: It's love, it's not Santa Claus.

His little sister Rachel (Chole Moretz) was dropping mad quotables in the movie as well:

Rachel Hansen: Just because she's likes the same bizzaro crap you do doesn't mean she's your soul mate.

Quote above hits home.

So after the movie was over, I headed home. It was raining but I didn't care. I was in a great mood, saw other ex-coworkers from the same movie theater.

My soundtrack for today was Joe Budden's Mood Muzik 3.

Listening to this album has gotten me through many bad days. So I keep this on replay, when I just want to sit and vibe out. I won't go into the quotables, but I did that many moons ago.

Other notables during the day:

- Discovered that riding the Water Taxi may not be so bad.
- Canton is a really nice place to live, if you can afford it.
- That love doesn't involve fate.

Now I'm off to upload this pictures.

*2 Fingaz* Deuce.

Breakups.

2009-07-23T21:55:00.002-04:00

Tear stained face, makeup laced lens
This was one of many prophetic signs
She looked in my face and started to speak
Voice cracking like she ready to deliver a speech in crucial times
She diverted her attention to a small charm
The one that I place around her after the first date
Who would've known years later that this relationship would flip
Love made us enemies and slowly turned to hate
She sat on the bed with many pillows
Old thoughts of those nights making body heat and feeling her legs shake
She didn't want to let go
Mentally holding on like a boxer not wanting to make a clean break
Her emotional state making me feel guilty and less of a man
Walking away isn't easy nor thoughtful game plan
But the strongest ones tend to grieve and eventually they'll try to understand
Tears will turn to cries and then to wails
Broken hearts will be damaged but repairs will come
Once the next Superman prevails.

Mental Poem (You May Not Understand)

2009-07-23T00:11:00.002-04:00

Stuck in a writing rut
Trying to pen lines about my struggles
But that's up to me to solve those puzzles
Wanted to write about her but I rather have her in my wings
Seeing her smile and hearing the melodies that she sings
But quickly that vanished and now I'm back to my reality
Hi I'm Derek Maurice writer, producer and star of this fantasy
Wait...I pinched myself I don't need to dream about imperfections
When I put myself aside to show concern for everyone else situations
Writing this with her on my mind
Hoping that she'll call before I think of the next line
Oh well maybe next lifetime like Badu once sang
Or was that lil birdie saying love of my life
Which is highly unlikely like winning a gunfight with a knife
I'm Derek all day baby I'm just playing my part
No need to write from the blackberry, my words come from the heart
Once again, for you I opened the book
Turned the pages, now the question is do you even care to look?

Times Still Hard

2009-07-22T19:49:00.000-04:00

So today we had a meeting where we found out that we lost BMW as a client. So the automobile industry is still reeling in this depression. So now I really have to step up efforts to look elsewhere. I need to get registered for school(wonder where I'll find the ends on short notice?) But anyway, I'm still here(not like much of you care anyway). Until next time....

2009-07-20T01:03:00.002-04:00

So as the song plays, the sadness sets in. Nothing but vocals and instruments ring in my ear. No voice, no conversation. Just an occasional stare outside my window at the world that I was raised in. Even the coldest ones, need someone to hold. The red light blinks in distance, but it doesn't replace human contact. As the song plays, the tears fall. Teardrops cause the words to become blurry and the thoughts get lost in the way of memories. You see the truth is, I just wish you were here. Just in the physical form, but things turned out differently. True intentions came out in the form of lust, so we lost our trust. It's possible to just sit and talk and express what's truly within our hearts.

Now back to square one. Trying to regroup and gather the lost pieces that had never been claimed. Often we hear those words that means so much but what are the motives? These four walls would say volumes but all I get is silence. Many people can disguise the hurt so I just bare my soul so that I can show that I'm human. Pain can heal but the scars last forever.

Underdogs

2009-07-17T12:46:00.001-04:00

You have the charm, but they aren't with the desire.You do what is expected, such provisions would set souls on fire.You deserve the starting spot, but ballhoggers cause you to ride the bench.While the undeserving gets the spoils, you're stuck trying to survive in the trench.Trying to find the best situation, but it's really no use. Push away the oatmeal and become ammune to the abuse.Die hard fans admire the passion and use it as an inspiration for life.Watch as the championships fade and your soul ends up being on ice.No sense in trying to explain since the scapegoats in the end, pays the price.

Hot As Fuck

2009-07-17T01:30:00.002-04:00

Oh the torture. I mean really. I about to bring this AC up and plug this bitch in. Feels like a fucking sauna.

Anyway, we have made it through another week. Some interesting developments were noted. But as we continue on, I hope that everyone has a great weekend.

Fabolous new album Loso's Way drops on the 28th. Album is nuts. My favorite song is Pachanga. Once you hear it, hopefully you'll see why.

I would stay and type but it's too hot.

*wipes the swear off*

4 Days Until Friday...

2009-07-13T08:11:00.002-04:00

I swear the weekend just goes by too quickly. I would have took the day off but the cow was acting like a female dog, so fuck her.

Well I may have more to post about later. I need to get ready..

Introducing...

2009-07-11T01:07:00.003-04:00

Sophia Marie. She's in the Best I Ever Had video.

Red Light Blinking

2009-07-11T00:51:00.002-04:00

When I look down and see the blinking light, I grab to see what it is.
Most of the time it's just a random 9090. Or someone saying hello.
Wake up in the morning, sometimes the red light is blinking.
Someone hit me over night or I have an unread text from a convo that was somewhat interesting.
I have the times when that red light blinks and I'm anticipating .... but it ends you being you. Disappointment all around but hey as long as my red light blinks, then I'm feeling the love.

This Day...

2009-07-08T16:51:00.000-04:00

Isn't the least bit enjoyable. Would be nice to hear some comforting words, a nice back rub or something along those lines. But all I hear is constant nagging, rude tones and a bunch of blah blah.

Of course people will say find a new job, do this do that. You can apply to all the new jobs but you can't just not work. I have thought to see a professional, just to see if it was something wrong with me. Your place of employment shouldn't have you feeling stressed to the point of quitting w/o notice. Well I'm going to try to enjoy these last few minutes of my break.

Not A Priority.

2009-07-07T23:26:00.002-04:00

Right now, all I need is an angelic voice that sings to the high heavens to put me to sleep. Like for the longest time, I wanted to hear a rendition of Jill Scott's "The Way" just sung in my ear. That's all. But it hasn't been fulfilled yet.

Well on to the post at hand, I feel as though I'm not a priority with certain things. Like I don't like to be a bother so I just stay to myself. So when I walk away, things feel a whole lot better than before. They are living their life and I'm doing just fine in mine.

P.S. - This Maxwell sounds like he never left the game.

Blog Foolishness

2009-07-07T00:59:00.002-04:00

- Why do I have a serious addiction to Swiss Fruit Punch?
- I like being rubbed.
- Why I can't seem to find someone that can be as silly as me? I mean on a random tip.
- Why some songs from the 90's still can get played like they're brand new.
- I still eat Now & Laters, Lemonade Heads, Cherry Clans and other hood candies.
- My attention span is mad short. So if you aren't keeping me focused, I'm over there somewhere.
- AngieMic told me to blog foolishness so that's what I'm doing.
- Am I wrong for being stuck on artists that entertain me. Like if I can pull an old album from the 90's and still enjoy it over the bullshit that I hear today.
- It's really hard to talk about myself. Like I can't just go into myself.
- I'm tired of folks hating on Jay-Z. Like his success came over night. When you're favorite rapper has a career like him, then holla at me.
- Why can't folks just be honest? If you lying to yourself about something, you'll lie about other things too. Just be up front and folks need to learn that constructive criticism isn't the end of the world. Just step your game up.

Ok. Enough for today. I'm sure that it will be more. Bye.

Yeah call me a hater..

2009-07-05T14:19:00.002-04:00

I remember when I had the ill crush on Christina Milian.
Now I'm like fuck her cuz she smashing for beats.
LOL but her and The Dream(Miss Jia's favorite R&B singer-- I can get away with this cuz she won't see it) are on the final cover of VIBE. So many magz now biting the dust.

You.. Stay Away!!!

2009-07-05T12:17:00.002-04:00

So Mase, we hear that MJ's passing made you want to come back. I spoke with the board and they say NO!!!! When we first saw you on the Only You remix video, you showed promise. Then you dropped Harlem World, sold some records and had folks #dancingandshit. You even went the distance of putting your crew on, Harlem World(Fail) and retired shortly after dropping album #2. Hell you said yourself you're from the hood doing deals with Magic. Then you did some speaking engagements, became a Pastor. All of a sudden, Nelly brings you back. Welcome Back? Breathe, Stretch, Shake...Then you were supposed to sign with G-Unit(What the fuck 50.) So now after leaving the game a second time(I saw the commercial adversting your church), now you wanna come back? I haven't heard the Best I Ever Had Remix but I heard the I Need A Girl Remix. No not the one where Diddy was crying for Jennifer Lopez to come back. I mean Trey Songz(YUUUUUP). I'm sure that you're doing well in Atlanta but seriously don't get back on the mic.

Wow.. I'm Speechless

2009-07-05T11:56:00.002-04:00

I was on BBM(Blackberry Messenger) when I saw one of my friends stats say R.I.P. Steve McNair. So then I head on over to ESPN.com to see what happened. The headline read that he was shot multiple times and a female accomplice was killed with a single shot to the head. Now the stories coming out are fishy but when he was playing in the NFL, he lead the model player/citizen role. Very tough on the field, strong arm, played through injuries. I know I hated when he and the Titans played the Ravens on many occasions. Then he came to Baltimore in the 2006 season and led the Ravens to a 13-3 record. Injuries forced him out soon after but as a fan of the league, you couldn't deny his playing ability. Said to see that he had to leave that way. Rest In Peace.

Ten Jay-Z Songs.

2009-07-03T01:12:00.002-04:00

This blog is done in conjunction with the homie @Neo_Tha_One on Twitter. So happened that for a few weeks, we would be posting mad Jay-Z songs and just our thoughts on them. So I hit him up and asked him to list ten Jay-Z joints that are hot. He posted his list(I see with have some similarites) and here's mines in no particular order:

1. Regrets - One of my favorite songs off of Reasonable Doubt. The last verse is the one of the best he's spit in my memory.

2. Allure - The Neptunes did their thing on this beat. Jay-Z murdered the track. I like when on Fade To Black when he first heard the beat, how he knew that was gonna end up on Black Album.

3. Ignorant Shit - Isley Bros. sample that so many have used. He just put that stamp on it. So many quotables on this track. Yeah I'm usually what they whisper about/either what chick he with or his chip amount.

4. Money, Cash, Hoes feat. DMX - Swizz Beatz on the track. Hov and Dog killed it. Vol. 2 was a constant banger during my Senior Year in High School.

5. U Don't Know(Remix) - This one was tough. The original and remix are both nice but M.O.P. on the BP2 kinda sealed the deal. You dudes is cake, I keep two biscuits on the waist/Razor blades under the tongue, I will eat your face/Appetite for destruction, I am starvin today/Got a money hungry lawyer that'll eat the case

6. Rock Star Freestyle - This was dope as fuck!!!! I played this S. Carter Mixtape until I had to hide it. You can't be me/I'm a rock star/ya'll rhyming from the back of a cop's car/ya'll pointing out niggaz/like there they are.

7. Some People Hate - One of the reason that I can appreciate BP2. I guess it's just the penalty of leadership/I guess I'm what niggaz wanna be and shit/Or niggaz just bored, wanna be in shit/'Fore they get to rappin, start believin it

8. This Can't Be Life (feat. Beanie Sigel & Scarface) - song is deep on so many levels.

9. A Million & One Questions (Remix) - The original is like a minute and some change. This should've been a just a regular song.

10. Murder Murder Marcyville (feat. Beanie Sigel, Memphis Bleek) - Back when Jay-Z called rappers out.. Sigel and Bleek when in as well.

2009-07-02T14:56:00.001-04:00

At night she lays, holding tears in her eyes.
She tries to be tough but reflects on the fights
Only there isn't a winner for this, dreams of a grand prize
She thought that she was in a relationship. She was more in Hell.
Not a paradise. No freedom, just love locked down in a cell.
She said she feels free when she's around me.
But a commitment to the one she's with is why we could never be.
I tried to push myself away from the situation
But the way she touched me caused quite a hesitation
Emotions boiling high
We coming close to penetration
Whoa! Put up the stop sign
Need to vacate this before we end up in regret.
Feelings so twisted, head full of sweat.
We both know the consequences of our actions
And on your end, the result is a negative reaction
No rashes but a loss of trust, a sense of being abandoned
When you walk out that door, it's like you're leaving a broken heart stranded.
So I just pick up the pieces and bandage my wounds
Fight my pain through this storm, so sunny days will come soon.

Try To Remain Humble...

2009-07-01T21:14:00.002-04:00

So I was having a conversation with my "best" friend. So she was telling me how her friend used to talk bad about me. So she wouldn't say exactly what she said but I know she had some things to say. But one thing that boggles my mind about people like her: What makes them think that whatever looks, features, etc. will stay with them forever? Most likely no, in some cases the gods have giveth and taketh away from those that deserve it.

But everyone is a victim. Some can just take that tap on the chin a little better than others. The others? Well some just go about their lives and then you have those that take it to the extreme.

But back to the main point, if a person wants to ride me down or what not, that's on them. I think if a person wants to have reason to judge someone else, they need to look in the mirror and make sure that they are free of sin, sickness, medical disorders, etc.

Preference = N/A

2009-07-01T20:26:00.000-04:00

Ok take two. So yesterday, I have a conversation with a young lady and the topic if preference came about. So she was saying how she never been with someone that wasn't black. She asked what my preference was and I said that I really didn't have one. Just love ladies all the same. When we are dealing with someone, we have to make sure...well scratch that last thought. Can't say that person is the one and most of those relationships go belly up. But back to my orginal point, no preferences needed. But I don't like smokers.

B.E.T. Awards/Twitter/Idiots...

2009-06-29T01:33:00.002-04:00

So tonight, was the B.E.T. Awards and since it was a few days after the untimely death of Michael Jackson, we thought that we were going to be in store for a great event. Well when it comes to B.E.T., you get what you pay for.

So I'm on twitter w/ my Kinfolk and we were just going in. When I look at the performances, I just question the direction that music has traveled in? Like the dudes that sing that Jerk song, they looking like they shucking and jiving along.

B.E.T. should be ashamed of themselves. If this was the way for them to honor Michael Jackson, then I want a refund and I saw it for free. VMA's are in September, so I know they will have something better. But really I know that we're supposed to embrace the new talent, but if they aren't holding up to the standards of some listeners then you can't force it on them. So back to the original topic, I was hoping that certain artists would realize that it wasn't about them and do some tributes to M.J. But we couldn't get that at all. Jamie Fox was meh as a host. He had a few funny liners (Telling Diddy don't stop dancing or he'll moonwalk all over his ass) I was mad that he did that flicked ass routine of the Beat It dance. Soulja Boy did Turn My Swag On (I don't support black culture because I don't like Soulja Boy) Ok and what is so perfect about Beyonce? If someone finds an answer to that please make me aware of it. Ne-Yo did his thing w/ Lady In My Life. Stacey.. I mean Keri Hilson had a performance. Trey Songz, Tyrese and Johnny Gill paid tribute to The O'Jays. Eddie Levert started had a classic moment of the night( #dancingandshit) Speaking of which, what was up with the censors? I know someone lost their job... Don C was allowed to introduce The O'Jays but Chris Brown couldn't perform. Why did they have to reenact Baby Boy? Ving Rhames said bitches and Keyshia Cole mouth dropped. Like Frankie or Nettie haven't said that word before. They kept showing clips of Tiny and Toya (Hoodrat Central will have that on lock. ) You know what... I'm not even gonna go into the rest. Especially that performance w/ Drake (well the ACL was torn) and Wayne/Young Money/Birdman.

Janet made a lot of people teary eyed when she was on stage. I know it was hard for her but she has support from millions and millions around the world.

I'm not going to spend time on this either but yeah it was a tumblr site floating around called OMG Black People. Just goes to show how some people are ignorant. But whatever, we mature ones are better than that. So we just let the fools be fools.

I'm hoping that when B.E.T. execs look at the replay and see what we saw, they'll be sure to just realized that biggest mistake they have made and folks will run rampant with this.

Transformers 2

2009-06-28T09:33:00.003-04:00

So early reports of this movie stated that this was a horrible sequel. Then when it was released, I'm hearing a different story. So I already knew that I was going to check this movie out regardless of what the critics said. So upon viewing it, I think it was a pretty good movie. I don't know what the proper way of doing a review. Am I supposed to look at from a person that had the toys viewpoint? The movie guru that feels like the sequel should have the plot, action, etc? I don't know. It's like I enjoyed the first one so I'm not all into the whole deep aspects of the movie. Kinda like when I watch wrestling now and now that I know the background story of what goes on, it changed the whole wrestling view. So I won't do that with movies. Just know that if it's action you want, it's in the movie. The budding relationship w/ Sam and Mikaela (I mean really a back and forth argument about whose gonna say I Love You first), the twin autobots Mudflaps and Skids (didn't see the big deal w/ those two. People just want to have a voice about something). Oh yeah and it's a lot of language and sexual undertones in that movie(Kids are gonna watch this and ask questions.) Also I geek'd hard at the Bad Boys II poster. Anyway, the movie was good so I didn't have any issues with it. So if you want to check it out, go ahead. If not, there are plenty of other movies that you can go see.

He Will Be Missed.

2009-06-25T21:00:00.002-04:00

We've lost a true ICON.

He entertained and inspired many.

I may not have met him but he had me dancing.

Rest In Peace Michael.

2009-06-25T08:29:00.002-04:00

Washington, Lincoln, Jefferson, Grant & Franklin
Names we'll go great lengths to obtain their affection
They play both sides of the coin
The long hustle, daily grind which few will follow
The fast, illegal way that most will join
We want those 5 in our inner surroundings
Which will lead to divide and decline
For the love of Washington, Lincoln, Jefferson, Grant & Franklin
They leave bodies on the sidewalks
Peter robbing Paul
Just when you think you have enough
That addiction kick in
And you're in it for the long haul
He may be portrayed as red but green flows through the veins of the devil
Rappers, Drug Dealers and even CEO's
Fall under the code that money is the root of all evil
We take what little change is earned and spend it on lotteries
With dreams of easy living
Houses, cars and clothes -- trying to live rich people fantasies
Instead of using money to help the future stay in the right frame
Out of our minds we spend it foolishly
Taking photos in our big ass chains
Good & Bad, Washington, Lincoln, Jefferson, Grant & Franklin provides a way
But when we past away, it won't travel with us.
Lord giveth, the Lord taketh away.

I've Had This Open For A Minute..

2009-06-23T00:32:00.002-04:00

And I was clueless as to what to write. As usual so many things just flowing through my head. Then it's like I don't know where to start, so I'll just start typing away aimlessly.

So I'm sitting here on imeem listening to random songs from the old school.

Oh yeah, if you want something bad enough, go for it. Don't let anyone stand in your way of your dreams.

2009-06-15T23:32:00.002-04:00

Things between us became so strained
No more late night convos, no good morning texts
Like everything we've build is slowly going down the drain
Finding myself more alone with these four walls
Trying to find comfort and support but you have my heart
Still haunted by the image of your walking away as the tears fall
No college dropout but when it all falls down
The caution is built back up. No need for trust when the one you
love doesn't want to come around.
On the flipside the future presents past which is bright
Sorry that I damaged you on your plight
Led me out the blindness and gave me sight.

Turn That Knife Clockwise

2009-06-15T17:58:00.003-04:00

Back Stabbers - The OJays

So right now as I'm typing this, the song that you hear in the background is currently playing. I may have spoke on this but the situation keeps coming back up up. Then I'm reminded of June 2007 -- No I won't get into it but 2007 as a whole was a fucking train wreck. Then folks wonder why people are distant towards them. It's because of shit like this. My thing is this, if you knew something and you were a fucking friend, WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T YOU OPEN YOUR MOUTH!!! No one wanted to say anything but it was a big fucking joke. Ha ha ha yeah joke was on me. So I learned a lesson that I still carry with me right now. And that's not to trust folks as far as you can throw. I see that a lot you have those you're most comfortable with, so yeah keep those cliques. Trying to be nice to all parties don't work. You have someone that doesn't like this person, she wanna fuck him, he slept with her while her man was at work thinking he has a great woman. Shit is ridiculous.

I can't control what people say about me. Say whatever you want. Most of you hung out with me and I have photos posted so it won't bother me. You can't get folks to just come out and say hey we're going to make you the laughing stock of all our inside jokes and blah blah while smiling in your face telling you that you're mad cool.

Maybe that's why I push myself away from others. Since I'm used to folks being two-faced like the world revolves around them. Just heed these words from DMX:

Ain't nothing changed, I'm the same as before When opportunity knocked I just answered the door Criminal at heart even though I don't show itI was always a winner but I just didn't know it

Number 200.

2009-06-15T00:27:00.002-04:00

I have reached a milestone of 200 blog post. Now I wanted to do something like go back and pick out my favorite ones but I'll save that for a later date. Now I was reading another blog that I follow on Myspace and she was going on and on about what changes happened to her during the course of the school year. But it's like if I had the resources that some other people had, I wouldn't be wasting it or just fucking it up. Hell, I hate getting up and going to work everyday, but I do it. I just sit in my cubicle and I'm on the phone most of the day. So imagine how i was disturbed at what I was reading. But hey good things always seems to happen to those least deserving. Maybe I'm just venting about nothing. *shrugs* But one day I'll see success. Then I'll wake up from that dream.

Some Photos From Today

2009-06-13T21:45:00.002-04:00

Back Alleyway

There lies a message in this photo

Another alleyway

The guy standing was trying to give these guys hope.

This place was eventually shut down because they were selling
guns as well as potato chips.

2am.. Where Do I Begin?

2009-06-12T02:07:00.002-04:00

Depression - Psychiatry. a condition of general emotional dejection and withdrawal; sadness greater and more prolonged than that warranted by any objective reason.

So I'll say for the past few weeks or so, that above definition has described me to a t. I could pin point it on the source of that feeling (Hello PDP) but I think it's deeper than that. Like I feel as if I want to just snap but I can't let my emotions get the best of me. I try to put on a smile but it doesn't work. So what's next? Relationship strains? Deeper withdrawal? Alcohol? This pain is digging deep and I don't see it ending anytime soon.

I know someone will read this and say: "Hey, you can talk to me." But what are you going to say? Tell me that everything will be alright? This that and the other? I mean you can say the same things over and over but it still doesn't mask the pain that I'm feeling right now. Plus from what I see, most people that I could consider talking to, have other things to deal with.

Normally, I would just write and write but I've hit a slight writer's block. And I'm most hard when it comes to myself in that department. Then it's like I ask for help or suggestions and people make it seem like you are bothering them. So that in turns makes me feel more guilty.

*deep breath*

Don't be surprised if decide to just head out somewhere. I've been thinking about it and that plan will go into effect this summer.

It's Photo Time Again!!!

2009-06-09T01:05:00.004-04:00

My Thoughts...Of Course You Won't Read It

2009-06-05T23:49:00.002-04:00

“Only rapper to re-write history without a pen/No I.D. on the track/let the story begin.”

And it starts.

“Bring a blonde/preferably with a phat ass/who can sing a song”

Beyonce maybe?

“Or your lack of aggression/pull ya skirt back down/grow a set man”

Rappers being too lazy on these tracks.

“this ain’t a number 1 record/this is practically assault with a deadly weapon”

Pop Radio won’t like this.

“your boys jeans too tight/ya colors too bright/ya voice too light”

Seems like the hipster phase caught on and people started rocking tight jeans with the shit still saggin - WTF!!!!

“this might need a verse from Jeezy(ayyyyyyeeeee)/I might send this to the mixtape weezy”

Seems like these two are holding down songs and such.. other than Gucci Mane and OJ the Juiceman *blinks twice at that name*

“you rappers singing too much/get back to rap/you T-Pain’n too much/I’m a multi-millionaire/so how is it I’m still the hardest nigga here/I don’t be in those project hallways/talking about how i’m in the project all day/that sounds stupid to me”

Like I said earlier, if you are more than three albums deep and still talking about being on the block hustling, it’s time to hang it up.

- End of transmission.

2009-05-21T01:42:00.000-04:00

Why do I contain these feelings? Thoughts stay bottled up then released under pressure. So much goes on around me but I get that alone feeling. That eerie walking down the wrong road feeling. They say nice guys finish last and only assholes gets ass. Bruised a few egos, don’t really like to smile at people. Grew up no siblings, moved around a lot. Critical of my life so I’m hard on me. I want the best for the future, but I feel haunted by mistakes in the past. Look at some for inspiration but in the end I felt let down.

Seriously...

2009-05-11T23:41:00.002-04:00

I'm like in a bad mood, which came out of nowhere. I was cool earlier laughing it up, having fun. Then I read a comment that someone said on a site that just completely fucked it up. Now I'm going through and analyzing those that I associate myself with. I try to engage with people socially just because I think I'm a fairly nice person, but

"And they don't really wanna see the good in me
Ain't satisfied until they see the fool in me" - Tre Williams

I could easily just give out chances and try, but then they show that true side of themselves which leads to the ties being cut. They won't lose sleep and neither will I. I just don't care and whoever reads this can take it for what it's worth.

Another Chapter Closed?

2009-05-06T16:35:00.002-04:00

So today since I had the day off, I decided to pay a visit to someone that I called a friend. Well it's deeper than that, more like family. Like in recent years, things has fallen off. So it's like I'm just alone back at Square One. I could go down the list of all the good, bad and ugly times that we've shared. But it wouldn't change how the situation is now. So if you have people that are close to you, make sure that you keep it that way.

Skip Spring,,Head St8 to Summer

2009-04-27T08:13:00.002-04:00

Can't complain about it being cold...

Today's High is gonna be 88..

Get the camera's out cuz the ladies will be dressing less...

I'm Not Mad At That...(All Over The Place Part 2)

2009-04-21T06:57:00.003-04:00

So pretty much... the past few days has been interesting to say the least. But we all need those days to keep life interesting.

I've been pretty much playing Godfather 2. Game has me tuned in. So if you see me disappear and I'm at home, chances are that's where I'm at.

We are all blessed in so many ways. We need to take advantage of the things that are presented to us. Cherish those that we have in our lives.

"I've been fucked over, left for dead, dissed and forgotten
Luck ran out, they hoped that I'd be gone, stiff and rotten
Y'all just piss on me, shit on me, spit on my grave (uh)
Talk about me, laugh behind my back but in my face
Y'all some well wishin (bitches), friendly actin envy hidin snakes
With your hands out for my money, man, how much can I take?" - Nas "Ether"

So while having this post still open I just watched 3 Chingy videos... don't ask why. Right Thurr was the beginning of this madness.

Ok and I just played Jay-Z's "Ignorant Shit" -- still hot to this day.

But yeah I have a tumblr now. So you may see random postings throughout the day.

Peace out now..

Why!?

2009-04-12T22:04:00.003-04:00

Do people seem to text you only on holidays?

I mean they text you on New Years, Easter, Thanksgiving and Christmas. Sometimes 4th of July.

What about the other days in the year? You are so wrapped up in your life that you can't send a measly text saying hello? hi? go to hell?

Just annoying..

Very annoying.

Where Is Our Focus -- Part 2

2009-04-02T01:18:00.002-04:00

i lost my virginity to a drug dealer on the bathroom floor of a party - Secret Tweet

I forgive him and put up with his lies and unfaithfulness because the sex is sooooo damn good. Im addicted to him. - Secret Tweet

You all love to hear the story again and again...

You know that saying, "History repeats itself"? Well that happens a lot of times.

The person sweet talks you out of your panty drawz. You thinking that it's love and the person is just trying to get a nut.

We still have a few good people that is thinking with the right head. Too bad that it's always the rotten ones that spoil the bunch.

Arguments Are Healthy..

2009-03-31T07:57:00.002-04:00

As much as I hate to do it, when you have an arguments it keeps things healthy. Shows that you can agree to disagree and that once it's over, you can revisit it and laugh on it.

Shows you also how strong that relationship is.

If It Could All Be So Simple..

2009-03-29T23:11:00.002-04:00

This entry was inspired by a number of things so I'm just going to jump right into it.

So people have their idea of who their dream guy/girl is to be. But the chances of that coming true are slim to none. You'll eventually fall for someone that is completely the opposite of that dream person that just sits in the back of you imagination.

Then if you find a person that you are truly attracted to but then in the long run discover that person is a jerk, then what? Are you going to stay with that person simply because he/she looks good? What if that person lacks intelligence? Long as that person is d.d.g., you don't have a thing to worry about. That person may just be using you because you are so wrapped up into them that you don't know that they are bleeding you dry.

Not trying to tell you how or who to be in a relationship with. Just that some people need to just common sense and stop thinking with their hormones.

Where Is Our Focus At?

2009-03-28T17:23:00.002-04:00

RT: starandbucwild: Can we please focus on young people preparing for college instead of T.I. getting ready for Jail?

I agree with the above statement. I'm glad that T.I. is a inspiration in the community and that he's going to pay his debt to society.

But what about those that's been on that straight and narrow path, how come they don't receive any attention for the struggles they had to overcome to get to where they are?

I was listening to the radio and people were calling in to pour out support for T.I., but let's get the spotlight on others not in the mainstream. You can be a positive person(not saying at all that T.I. is negative) and still have an effect on your community. You can come from the projects and go to college. Just make yourself out to be better than the environment that you grew up in.

That's all I had to say..

Peace.

Update.

2009-03-26T20:20:00.001-04:00

Well it's nothing really for me to talk about.

So I'm just moving one day at a time. Hopefully something will arise..

I Am Music Recap

2009-03-21T01:51:00.002-04:00

So tonight(well yesterday) Lil Wayne's I Am Music Tour stopped through Baltimore. So pretty much if you follow me on Twitter, then you saw the updates. So I'm not gonna run through the whole show again, just touch on a few things.

Know what..

http://twitter.com/ErOneH8zDerek

Just go there and you'll see the updates.

Melange LaVonne - Domestic Violence

2009-03-18T06:44:00.001-04:00

Just goes to show that abusive women can't be ignored when it comes to domestic violence.

Successful

2009-03-17T23:30:00.002-04:00

"i want it all,
that's why i strive for it,
dis me and you'll never hear a reply for it" - Drake

When you are aiming for the top, you'll always have someone or something trying to pull you back down.

You have brush that dirt off your shoulders.

Playing into their game, can be hazardous to your health.

We All Have A Story...

2009-03-17T08:29:00.002-04:00

Have you wondered when you are in public, what's everyone else story? We all see new people each day and they(just like us) have a means of being in a certain place at that time.

Just something to dwell upon.

Friendship Mixed W/ Business.

2009-03-16T08:28:00.003-04:00

So for those that watched The Wire, knows of the friendship between Avon Barksdale and Stringer Bell. How they built up the empire that pretty much controlled West Baltimore and the shit that eventually drove them apart.

So my thing is this: At what point do you put friendship aside to protect an investment that has so much involved?

Who Stole The Soul - Classic R&B

2009-03-15T06:45:00.002-04:00

1. The O'Jays - Family Reunion: This song is older than me but it still gets people on the dance floor. This was played in Poetic Justice.

2. Earth, Wind, and Fire - Shining Star: Classic. This is my shit right here.

3. Grover Washington Jr. - Knucklehead: An instrumental track that sounds great. Makes me wish I had taken up an instrument while coming up.

4. William DeVaughn - Be Thankful For What You Got: This song has been sampled many times (e.g. Ludacris "Diamond In The Back") Song is great.

5. The Impressions - It's All Right: This track reminds me of the many old school songs about having a great time.

Who Stole The Soul - R&B Soul - 3.12.09

2009-03-13T00:16:00.002-04:00

With this series, I'm going to be listening to the R&B Channels on Music Choice and giving my thoughts on them. Tonight's channel was R&B Soul.

1. Brian McKnight - Crazy Love: One of his best songs that I've heard. Just laying back with the one you love and mellowing out.

2. Usher - Here I Stand: One of the few songs that I actually like off this album. I can see this track being a wedding song for years to come.

3. Luther Vandross - Don't You Know That: Classic, Classic, Classic Luther. With a song from him, you can't go wrong. Heavy D sampled this song for one of his hits.

4. En Vogue - Giving Him Something That He Can Feel: Curtis Mayfield wrote this song. I remember the video w/ them being in the night club. The males were a cast of who's who in entertainment.

5. Teena Marie - Marry Me: I didn't even know that she was still releasing music. This was my first time hearing this and I digs it.

6. Bobby Caldwell - What You Won't Do For Love: Song is still a classic. Random Fact: I didn't know that he was white. Thought it was a black dude singing this.. Fooled me.

When It All Falls Down...

2009-03-12T04:00:00.002-04:00

So after having a great weekend, reality set back in and showed itself to be the bitch that it's known for.

Work is still a fucking pain in the ass. When you are doing something continuous for like over a year, it will make you go crazy. Like today, I literally had to leave the building because it made me sick. I had to just walk just to clear my mind. Then it's like shit is so messed up in this economy, it's hard to do anything else. I'm blessed to still have my job but I'm seriously going to lose it if I don't move to another department.

Then like people in general are annoying as fuck. Whether it's at work or on the interwebz, their attitudes are so fucked up.

A friend of mine wants to collaborate on a story, but she's wrapped up in school so I don't think she'll have time for it. But I'll start on it anyway.

Well I think I'll go lay back down or something...

Venting is a habit.

To One Of My Readers

2009-03-11T02:53:00.000-04:00

"Being so real sometimes is a slow kill
We was one squad, you broke out like Mike Schofield
I want fillet mignon, you want oatmeal
Add up our differences equals up to no meal
No mills, yup, no deal, why you gotta chase shit
To know it's no thrills" - Joe Budden "Dear Diary"

A Quote That Hits Home

2009-03-08T23:25:00.002-04:00

"I understand some's off 'bout me, but nuttin's forced 'bout me
I never gave a fuck of what a nigga thought 'bout me.
(Oh!) I look down upon what some see as a must
Maybe I'm regular an' the World needs to adjust.
I mean I'm everyday people, hood, but still formal
I'm normally abnormal, takin' life as a lesson." - Joe Budden "Just To Be Different"

As I was coming home, I was listening to this song and this verse stuck out.

Coming up I had my phases that I went through.
But as time went on, I outgrew them. Still I heard whispers of just wanting to be different was
a looked upon as a bad thing. But now being different is "cool."

So yeah..

2009-03-05T00:23:00.001-05:00

The Complete Series Of The Wire

A pan of brownies

A Strawberry Shortcake

3 Cards

2 balloons

A body spray/lotion set

and a whole bunch of love.

Thanks everyone.

Less than a day away..

2009-03-03T00:27:00.002-05:00

Today I was speaking with my mother. And I was explaining to her how I really don't make a big issue about my birthday. I mean if folks choose to get me something, that's fine. If not, life will go on. Well I got two items from off my wish list. So if I wasn't to receive anything else, I'm good.

I am thankful for everyone that has entered into my life (good and bad).

I am thankful that I'm still alive at this age where now and days, we are losing so many.

If you know me, then you know that I'm very modest. I don't like a lot of attention, but I would call myself an unsung hero.

I have seen a lot of people come and go. Most of them went off to greater things, while others crashed and burned.

Again, thank you to those that stick by me through thick and thin.

To the others, I quote Nas: I wish you success, even if you wish me the opposite.

3.4.80 =0p

All That I Got?

2009-02-27T08:02:00.002-05:00

"Would you love me if I didnt work out or I didnt change my natural hair
I could be the one you could grow older with, baby
I’ll give you all that I got"

So I was listening to this song by Fergie this morning. I actually like the song because of the point that she's trying to get across.

We all come from all walks of life and when it comes to falling in love, will that person that you are giving your heart to accept you for who
you truly are.

"It’s as simple as one and two
I’m in love with you
And three and four
You’re all I adore
To the seven and eight
See I’ve been making mistakes
Cuz when you’re on my mind
I just cant think straight
Back to the five and six
I’m all in the mix and Im all into you
Without the lipstick
Without the L’Oreal
You remain the same angel that I fell for
For real, for real"

That's the verse that Will-I-Am raps towards the end. If you truly love a person then that should apply to your situation.

We may try to encourage our s.o. to get in shape to help them in the long run. But not any drastic changes.

If you truly love them, then you should accept them for who they are and as the person you feel in love with.

Shoulder and Ear...

2009-02-24T00:06:00.004-05:00

Don't know if you can read that but basically that's just something that one of my friends wrote about me. Well the sole purpose of this is to say thank you to those that let me be that open ear to listen while they let their frustrations loose.

P.S. - Just click on it..

Random Photo Time

2009-02-21T20:38:00.003-05:00

Random Sprint Advertisement Shot

Rell Shot

Best Buy, Filene Basement and Famous Footwear Shot

Who is that dude?

New Phone/Happy Holiday thoughs...

2009-02-21T19:45:00.002-05:00

So today, I was fed up with my phone and the infamous white screen. So I made a trip to the Sprint store and my phone was replaced. So I'm cool on that. Well except for the fact that I have to add my ringtones back. Right now I'm listening to Turn My Swag On w/ Jeezy, Wayne and Fab. Speaking of Weezy, I'm going to see him in concert next month.. well mainly I'm going to the show to see Gym Class Heroes. I still live with the theory that the best fans are the ones that sit in the nosebleeds.

Now on to the main reason of this blog:

Joe Budden is dropping Padded Room on Tuesday. We know that. But he has a track on there called "Happy Holidays." So if you saw the live studio session webcast, this was one of the songs that he was working on. This song is one of my favorites on the album.

"I spark stoves, disregard cautious
cuz my heart's cold carrying cargo
No offense, I don't need a phone call or present
I mean honestly I don't want none of y'all present, cuz
I won't pretend like my everyday struggle is going away
so I'm gonna treat it like it's just any normal day"

"If they aint tell me tomorrow was Halloween, i'd have never known
I never been the type to keep up with dates, so while
Everybody is puttin they mask on
Nigga I rock mine all year
Just to avoid stares
To come across as a nigga who cares, so to my peers
I could look like i'm really sincere"

"Cuz they know I see 'em all as mere
Don't love yall enough to let u see me bare
Let you see how he's impaired
Nah, i'm not there
We tend to run from anything weird
At least on halloween y'all will stay right there."

Those verses that I posted are my favorites parts of the song... I just relate to them just while listening Joey spit. Especially the part where he said don't love ya'll enough to let u see me bare. I've held back on folks on purpose. I've seen when others bare their souls and it gets used against them down the road. So to avoid that, I don't give everyone 100%.

Go cop the album.

Ventilation

2009-02-18T21:37:00.002-05:00

I had this whole blog figured out: what I wanted to say, who it was directed towards, etc. But then I washed dishes and my attitude washed away like suds down the drain.

Like really why the hell did I spend over $400 on this shit and having to spend more money to get the shit working properly? Then it's like I feel as though I did it to prove a point to all the naysayers. But whenever I do get this thing rolling, I'm still going to be the outcast so fuck it.

Then another issue are these below average chickens thinking that they are socialites. Fuck them. Point blank period.

So yeah I d/l'd Padded Room and the shit is nice. Well I'm still annoyed that Family Reunion is there but whatever. I can always edit the playlist.

People change like the weather. One minute it's a sunny day, and the next the friendship remains is like N.O.'s 9th Ward after Katrina. Try to rebuild it and it will never be the same again. Move on..

I'm tired of the Chris Brown/Rihanna story. Of course everyone is saying criticizing CB, but I don't think Little Miss Sunshine is innocent herself. But since she's playing that "victim" role, the media will believe HERstory.(Sorry TLC).

The Ravens put the franchise tag on T-Sizzle again. If he does indeed bolt after this season, I wouldn't blame him at all.

I'm so bored with music right now. I need some fresh music and I don't mean no mainstream artist either. I mean some raw, underground, niggaz is hungry and starving like it's no more food left for days kind of music.

And finally

"Racism still alive/we just concealing it." - Kanye West

Something that was sent to me on Myspace...

2009-02-10T03:22:00.000-05:00

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

As the self proclaimed leader of the Intergalactic Anti-Coon Force, I find it neccessary to outline proper behavior for those who consider themselves "Coon Free". Therefore I am demanding an immediate end to the following actions.

1) The white tee. Dammit that is an undershirt. That means that it goes under a shirt fool. It is not the main shirt, its a subshirt and as such should be on a sub-layer. Furthermore, your undershirt should not be longer than the over shirt. Get it together man.

2) The mohawk. Many great things came out of the 80's. Rakim, CD's, Def Jam, Nintendo, Me... The mohawk was not one of them. Especially since the majority of coons wearing this hairstyle refuse to comb their fucking hair. Look here you slovenly bastards, this is america and you have every right to look like an idiot, but at least be a neat idiot. I know yo mama had to teach you something in between homeboys in outer space and Cisco margaritas.

3) Baby Daddies/Mamas. If you ain't feelin each other wear a damn condom. I dont care about you havin random acts of sexy time. But be considerate, if you know you aint shit, and you know he/she aint shit, don't combine your wack ass forces to bring an heir to your lame ass misfortune into the world. And before some retarded ass Sith Coon Lord leaves me a comment talkin about condoms break or birth control isnt 100% effective think about this: 99% > 0% you simple bastard.

4) 30 year old aspiring rappers. And I'm being hella lenient. If yo ass has lived through more than two different presidents, and you still talking about "listen to my demo" or "check out my new tracks on myspace" unplug your computer, take that cord, scrape the plastic off, plug it back in and choke yourself electrically. Your time has passed and it would be prudent to consider a nice trade. I would suggest grave digging. That way you can save money when you kill yourself out of shame.

5) Dropping Out of High School. Nah this is not a PSA my spear chucking friend. Even drug dealers need a high school diploma now. You might as well have dropped out in kindergarten. Cause a high school diploma dont mean shit, and an 8th grade diploma means less than shit. You can't even work at McDonalds without a high school diploma. Do you understand what that shit means? You aint even qualified to push McGriddles my nigga. Good luck wit that demo.

6) Reppin for the hood. I'ma say this first, and maybe this will catch on. FUCK THE HOOD. FUCK HOOD NIGGAS, FUCK THE HOOD MENTALITY. That's some delusional ass thinking man. Fuck being proud of what you got, be proud of working to get more. Watch some clown with Coondows Vista brainwashing come up talkin about, "you forgot where you came from." NIGGA I WISH I COULD. Life in the hood is miserable, thats why people get money and MOVE OUT dumbass. I can't wait to be able to rep a place that coons ain't never heard of and cant get to because its out of the darklands.

7) Drug Dealers turned Rappers turned Political Scientist. Nigga shut up. Don't you try to tell me shit about africa, when the farthest you have been is Dolton. You aint thought about shit outside your neighborhood for 25 years, now all the sudden you're Young Kufi the Sociologist. Shut the fuck up and stick to snap music.

8) People complaining about foreigners opening businesses in their neighborhood. I don't care about your perspectives on how the koreans come in the hood and open up a store with $500, when you get your income tax (which has been padded by claiming kids that aint yours) and instead of investing, paying down your debt or using that money to start your own business, you go out and buy $1000 worth south pole jeans, some ugly ass dunks, 2 bottles of patron, and put a down payment on a an excursion. Meanwhile, Abu Graib over here is driving a 93 taurus and owns 3 restaurants, a nail shop, two cell phone places and a dollar store. But you flossy right? Dumbass.

9) Settling. Subjugation only last as long as you are submissive. Know why there was a boom of black business in the 60's? People were not settling for other people making money off them. Want to know why shorty's man treats her so well? Cause she won't put up with no bullshit and she lets him know it. Want to know why certain neighborhoods are clean, well lit, have nice parks and grocery stores that actually sell healthy food? Because the residents demand the best. As long as you don't stand for something you will fall for anything. Coons have "chronic have-not-itis". They pride themselves on saying that they can do ok even though they are the have not. It gives them an excuse to not be more. It seems rational that you may not be the best you can be, because you were deprived of the finer things. But evolutionist and creationist agree, man came from dirt. So if even dirt can evolve to single celled organisms, and those organisms can evolve to eventually become man, ain't no fuckin reason in the world that you shouldn't be able to go from broke to at least respectably stable. Unless you have settled for wretchedness.

10) Poor parenting. These kids are fucked up and its the parents fault. Your kid can't count, but he got on dunks. Your daughter is filthy, but you out at the club spending $10 per shot on don julio. Your kids don't have uniforms, but you have an IPhone. They don't know how to brush their own teeth, but you have you tube videos of them doin the stanky leg and the single ladies dance. The sins of the father are passed on to the son. So how do you expect your children to develop under your selfish, shortsighted, simple minded ass. What nutty ass logic, causes you to laugh when your child uses profanity. How do you send your child upstairs to play on the internet, while you bustin down some nigga cause "he got swag"? How the fuck do you expect that child to have any kind of moral fiber, when you will sit with them and watch A Real Chance at Love, but won't take them to church? You will get up at 4 am to embarrass yourself on american idol, but wont sit with them at 4pm to help with their home work. You spend $300 a month on liquor, but won't invest to put them in an after school program. Where are your priorities. Bad parenting is the the soil that the seeds of modern coonery is planted in. Its probly too late for you. But damn at least give the kid a chance to not follow in your niggerish ways.

Coons beware. Your days are numbered. You have been measured, you have been weighed and you have most definitely been found wanting. We are coming for you. Your time is shorter than Lil Zane's career. We will find you. Join us or perish sweater monkies.

Dell Out

Latest Novel Read

2009-02-08T05:19:00.002-05:00

So I've been reading this novel called "Salvation In Death" for like the past 3 months. Normally I can finish a book in like a week or so.

This one has been taking its toll. And it's not even that thick.

Since It's Officially One Month Before My B-day..

2009-02-04T01:47:00.002-05:00

I decided to present my: Wish List But Most Likely Won't Get Nan Of This Shit

- A Laptop

- The Complete Series Set Of The Wire

- All the Season Of Family Guy

- Gift Cards from Best Buy

Maybe I'm Just Wack..

2009-02-02T23:08:00.002-05:00

"I never wanted to say this.
You never wanted to stay.
I put my faith in you,
so much faith.
And then you
Just threw it away.
You threw it away" - Paramore

I'm going to keep this one short. If I focus on it too much, then I'll just...lose it.
But when I meet people, I'm always looking for the worst. Like their motives and what not.
Some people it may take a little while longer because they are being crafty.
But as a friend of mine said, people aren't meant to play a major role in your life. They just play
their parts and leave.

So I guess this the end of this Act.

Further Into My World

2009-01-28T22:03:00.004-05:00

I guess you could say that I am a nice person. I know when I was younger, I used to try to do whatever I could to be recognized but it didn't work out that way. So then when my "dark side" emerged, it's then when people started to take notice. I'd rather be remembered for the kind gestures that I show to others.

If you are my friend or someone that I'm really close to, then you know that I will ride for you until the end. And if you are wrong, I'll tell you so.
Whatever happened to the stand up people? Those that really don't care about how the world perceives them? It's like now and days people are out for self.

One of my close inner circle friends told me that not everyone is worthy of being in my presence. Maybe this is the plan that GOD had set out for me. Not to be a part of the in crowd but known for being my own crowd.

I was having a convo with one of the Y! Buddies and he dropped some serious knowledge. Like whenever he explains something, it's like in ways I can relate to what he's saying..

He was discussing past relationships. So then I started thinking about those that I've dealt with and the person that I became afterward.

It's like I'll explain to them that I'm not perfect. I have flaws. Then in the beginning they'll ride it out and the truth will emerge that they really couldn't hang with it.

When I am hard on myself, it's not for attention. It's just that some situations, I know that the outcome could be better or worse. I just need to apply some self tough love.

Then it's like more and more each day, I see myself becoming him. I just wish that he was around more and took more interest in the person that I am becoming. I never really asked him for anything. If anything, my brother got more out of him. Pretty much bled him dry. All I wanted was to say that my father was around. I didn't need gifts, toys, I just wanted him around and in my life. That void still affects me to this day. Which is probably why I'm not to concerned about trying to patch things up.

One day it will all make sense.

Loving My Background Role.

2009-01-28T01:37:00.002-05:00

I was reading a my friend survey about me on Myspace and I started to think about the effect that I have on others. So the few that I have that confide in me, thanks for allowing me to do so. And also thanks for the advice that you've given me as well.

"Mocked me, envied me, turns out YOU WAS BLOWIN' HOT AIR, KENNY G
But you was cool, accepted you instantly
Not a groupie but you had a few tendencies
And though we share a few memories
A couple wrong turns'll turn a friend to an enemy
See, phony people like phony people
Even you could be mistaken if you phone these people" - Joe Budden "Dear Diary"

I swear Mood Muzik 3 is like a reference book to life. Especially that line where he says that a couple wrong turn will turn a friend into an enemy. We've all been down that road before.

I was supposed to been done with this hours ago and the last autosave was at 2:06am.

Shows that I can get lost in something else quickly.

Keep my attention focused and you won't have to worry about eyes wandering.

If Only It Was Easy...

2009-01-24T15:18:00.002-05:00

I would erase some folks from my past.
Just the thought or memory of them just irks me.
Try to be cordial but they just continue to rub you the wrong way.

Was supposed to hang out with my "best" friend but she ended up getting drunk.
Then trying to get me to pay for dinner next week. Sike.
Next week I'm busy. Can't depend on anyone but yourself.

Ummm that's about it.

Until later.

The Past Few Days..

2009-01-23T03:41:00.002-05:00

So Monday, I come home to a note explaining what happened to computer. So I'm sitting here trying to figure out my damn self what's wrong. Nothing.

So Tuesday, Obama officially took office. Work is a drag. Oh yeah the Jets stole our defensive coordinator.

Wednesday, work is still a drag. Don't even bother to touch the comp and I said fuck American Idol. Shani hold your head up little sis. We gonna get you out there on the airwaves.

Thursday, work is still a drag(see the pattern here.) I think the more money people have, the dumber they seem to get. So are we saying lower class and low middle class are smarter than upper class? Possible. So I'm looking for my other CD book( that's where my Kanye's are located) and I turn on the comp again. So I'm still thinking of passwords, then I typed in one and what do you know...here I am now typing this blog to you.

Maybe I just needed a few days away from the interwebs. Not like I missed much of anything.

Meh.

Something That Irks Me..

2009-01-18T12:17:00.001-05:00

So if you're mad at me about something..
don't just sit there and be like I'm mad but it's nothing major.
Open your mouth and let's be mature enough to discuss what the problem is.
So that we may come to a solution.

Females...I swear.

Drifting..

2009-01-17T08:38:00.002-05:00

The conversations has been scare the past few days.
Haven't been in the mood to say anything really.
Just thinking about what was said and how to play it out.
Stay or Go?
Maybe I should go.
Maybe I should stay.
Heart and mind battle each other daily.
The pressure continues to build and there will be a casualty.
Broken hearts was the call to the resting place.

Some..Other

2009-01-14T13:32:00.002-05:00

Some days are energetic..feeling great.
Other days I'm in a slump, not knowing the reality of my fate.
Some days I'm feeling positive, share my good vibes.
Other days my attitude is fuck you, stay away from my bad side.
When I look in the mirror, I am sometimes please with my appearance.
Other side of the coin, I beat myself up for things that I can't control.
They deal with me sometimes
Other days they are laughing and making jokes.
I wish I could figure out the punchline
Sitting here with this pen trying to punch out some lines.
Some people read the words and heed the signs.
Others take the low road and end up on the opposite on doing fine.
Call me mean but sometimes I'm like fuck the world.
Otherwise I would be concerned with the remainder of their lives.
Sometimes I could get deep and pour from my heart.
Other than that, I stay shut down with bottled emotions.
Watch their tears bring them apart.
These are some words that won't be understood by none.
Others will read and play my work as being dumb.
They don't gain access to the functions in my brain.
It sucks they can't handle it, so it wastes down the drain.

All Of Me

2009-01-07T00:44:00.002-05:00

"I learned from Lupe, when you ‘Dumb it Down’ it’s just harder to understand
2008, hoes is still near me
So you can think Im tired as a fuck, Im still weary
The Getto Boys say it’s ‘All in the Mind’
Certain wounds only heal over time
No shame in my game, no pain no gain
And since I aint seen a prophet (profit) I figured God would stop it" - Joe Budden

Seems as of late, I've been playing Mood Muzik 3 daily. And on each listen, I'll hear a verse that will trigger some thoughts.

Maybe it's just that when you stare at a situation long enough, you'll start to see what it's worth.

What Does Your Name Means?

2009-01-06T02:24:00.002-05:00

You entered: Derek

There are 5 letters in your name.
Those 5 letters total to 25
There are 2 vowels and 3 consonants in your name.

What your first name means:

Teutonic	Male	Rules the people.
German	Male	Gifted ruler. From Theodoric.
English	Male	Gifted ruler. People ruler. Variant of the Old German TheodoricFamous bearer: Derrick was a 17th century hangman at Tyhurn, whose name became synonymous with 'gallows' and now refers to a type of crane.'Gifted ruler.' From Theodoric.

Your number is: 7

The characteristics of #7 are: Analysis, understanding, knowledge, awareness, studious, meditating.

The expression or destiny for #7:
Thought, analysis, introspection, and seclusiveness are all characteristics of the expression number 7. The hallmark of the number 7 is a good mind, and especially good at searching out and finding the truth. You are so very capable of analyzing, judging and discriminating, that very little ever escapes your observation and deep understanding. You are the type of person that can really get involved in a search for wisdom or hidden truths, often becoming an authority on whatever it is your are focusing on. This can easily be of a technical or scientific nature, or it may be religious or occult, it matters very little, you pursue knowledge with the same sort of vigor. You can make a very fine teacher, or because of a natural inclination toward the spiritual, you may become deeply emerged in religious affairs or even psychic explorations. You tend to operate on a rather different wavelength, and many of your friends may not really know you very well. The positive aspects of the 7 expression are that you can be a true perfectionist in a very positive sense of the word. You are very logical, and usually employ a quite rational approach to most things you do. You can be so rational at times that you almost seem to lack emotion, and when you are faced with an emotional situation, you may have a bit of a problem coping with it. You have excellent capabilities to study and learn really deep and difficult subjects, and to search for hidden fundamentals. At full maturity you are likely to be a very peaceful and poised individual.

If there is an over supply of the number 7 in your makeup, the negative aspects of the number may be apparent. The chief negative of 7 relates to the limited degree of trust that you may have in people. A tendency to be highly introverted can make you a bit on the self-centered side, certainly very much self-contained . Because of this, you are not very adaptable, and you may tend to be overly critical and intolerant. You really like to work alone, at your own pace and in your own way. You neither show or understand emotions very well.

Your Soul Urge number is: 1

A Soul Urge number of 1 means:
Your Soul Urge is the number 1. With a Soul Urge number of 1, you want to lead and direct, to work independent of supervision, by yourself or with subordinates. You take pride in your abilities and want to be recognized for them. You may seek opportunities to display your strength and usefulness, wanting to create and originate. In your desire to manage the big picture and the main issues, you may often leave the details to others.

The positive 1 Soul Urge is Ambitious and determined, a leader seeking opportunities. There is a great deal of honesty and loyalty in this character. If you possess positive 1 Soul Urge qualities, you are very attainment oriented and driven to success. You are a loyal friend and strictly fair in your business dealings.

The negative side of the 1 Soul Urge must be avoided. A negative 1 is apt to dominate situations and people; the home, the spouse, the family and the business. Emotions aren't strong in this nature. If you possess an excess of 1 energy, you may, at times, be boastful and egotistic. You must avoid being too critical and impatient of trifles. The great need of the 1 Soul Urge is the development of friendliness, and a sincere interest in people.

Your Inner Dream number is: 6

An Inner Dream number of 6 means:
You dream of guiding and fostering the perfect family in the perfect home. You crave the devotion from offspring and a loving spouse. You picture yourself in the center of a successful domestic unit.

http://www.paulsadowski.com/Numbers.asp

Video Blog

2009-01-05T00:03:00.001-05:00

I mean unless you ladies want to duke it out in some mud w/ bikini's on. We can set that up.

Love Gone

2009-01-02T22:50:00.002-05:00

Like a snapped phone cord, I feel the disconnect
Tried to fall in love but that didn't factor out.
Instead of allowing us to be us, tried too much to be perfect.
Now I have to deal with knowing that you won't be around.
Due to my fears of the past and your true love that I neglect.
I am sure that you will move on to a new love
But I'm feeling a lil reasonable doubt, living with regrets.
You'll never know this but maybe you will see it down the line.
But your love was the one that was true. There was never a reason that I had to suspect.
Hopefully I will learn not to make these mistakes.
Cruel intentions leads to broken hearts.
Bleeding out love like Christ dying at the stake.

After Work Shit...

2009-01-02T19:31:00.002-05:00

Intro via Viddler..

2009-01-02T07:05:00.000-05:00

Yeah Yeah Yeah.
Whatever.