Long story short: ErOneH8zDerek via Twitter no longer exist.
Wasn't really no reason to delete the account, just allowed some shit to force me to press that delete account button. So when folks heard about me closing the account, it was met with criticism and come back because we'll miss you replies. (read: yeah right)
So I decided to take a page from the homie Jamil by way of Nas and just destroy and rebuild.
New Twitter name: Mo_Rease (Read it slowly...Mo Rease..Maurice.. Get it.. Got it.. Good.)
That's all for now.
Peace.
1. the state or quality of being loyal; faithfulness to commitments or obligations. 2. faithful adherence to a sovereign, government, leader, cause, etc. 3. an example or instance of faithfulness, adherence, or the like: a man with fierce loyalties.
Who are you loyal to? Those that show loyalty towards you? Or are you selective with whom that is given to?
Throughout life, it seems as if that our loyalties can be tested in so many ways. Like if a person shows that they can be shady in some ways, would you still have their back when the chips are down? Or what if you were in a bind, would those so called friends still be the same ones that hold you down in a bind?
My problem is that I hold too many loyalties. Like it could be times that I needed some help but the ones that "said they would help" were nowhere to be found. But if they needed something, I would be right there.
I guess I should limited my loyalites those that deserve it. It's really a select few and they know who they are.
For the past couple of weeks, I've gone through a what some would say a down phase. What I can say is that, things are somewhat better but that light at the end of the tunnel is far away. Some days I just want to break down and just scream to release this built up tension but I can't bring myself to do it. Then the person that I need to talk to is being distant, so there lies another issue.
People offer their ears to listen, but right now I can't discuss what's going on. I will eventually and I just have to brace myself to endure what comes of it. I don't regret the things that I've done, because they were meant to happen. Hey that's the way life goes.
Some people will look at me and say nice things about my character. I'm modest about it because I just find myself to average. If I could right those wrongs, then maybe things would be different. *exhales* I want to say more but I can't.. Well the person that this is directed towards knows how I feel.
I'm on the outside knocking
Hoping that you'll hear me calling
And that you'll allow your heart to stop blocking
I'm working extra hard or not trying hard enough
One minute you give me access, then the next I'm restricted
Past pains cause your emotions to remain tough
Late night those dreams starts to play and I drift off into space
Hoping that I get a chance to hold you close
Waking up greeting you with morning kisses on your face
Tossing and turning in my imaginary vision
Your arms reaching out and I'm coming for your embrace
As I reach you, the dream stops and you disappear
No replays - just thoughts of what I want to be
But reality is staring at me saying she isn't going nowhere
Time for me to break free from my shackles and face my past
Watch those demons perish and bad memories shatter like glass
They wonder why I keep my life a secret
Because for 9 months inside my moms belly she kept my life a secret
Doctor's visit confirmed what she already knew
March 4th came and I was a week overdue
So a newborn child, Moms was 21 and didn't know what to do
So for years, we were on the move
Different houses in East Baltimore, her pride heavy so she had so much to prove
Bullied and pushed around during my youth
I inherited a bad attitude just look at my father for proof
Tried to reach out for a relationship and each time it failed
So on that note, I swallowed my pride and bailed
I knew writing this wouldn't be easy
Because talking about myself would have me looking lost like C. Breezy
No bowtie but I cry tears of a clown
Reading this will have you thinking of Lauryn singing All Falls Down
Kept to myself because I was afraid to share all of myself
So this week's events prompted me to take these feelings off the shelf
Writing this eased the pain and made me feel less less in orbit
So here's a middle finger to past and a new strength to keep moving forward
Her words crushed my soul with a right hook
With every word she spoke, left my brain feeling shook
This won't have a happy ending so if you can't handle it, try not to look
So hard to keep the chapters closed when your life's an open book
The pain inflicted cut me open and the wound started to bleed
Had to face what I was running from so a reality check was in need
All she wanted was honesty and I kept something that didn't feel right
Hurt her even more that she had to be the one to bring it to light
So now I lost the part of her that needed most -- trust
With this out in the open, I hope what's left of what we have don't blow away like dust
Once again we meet and as usual, you blame me for the reason that you feel the way you do. I understand that heart and mind may disagree, but it's up to you to get them on the same level. Meaning that you need to get them both playing on the same team if you truly want to be happy.
I know there are relationships that begin and end daily. Most of those individuals are just as lost as you are. They too need to get things together within themselves. But enough about them, let's focus back on you. I'm going to get to the bottom of why you and I butt heads over the years.
First of all, you find yourself attracted to those that do more harm than good. The ones that wouldn't throw water on you of your soul was on fire. The ones that spit a good game but their style states otherwise. I gave you opportunities with those that mattered. Those that were there for you through good and bad. You let them get away. All they wanted was your love. You gave them that and then things went sour.
So instead of blaming me, you need to check yourself. Trying to advance but you can't steal second with your foot on first. Yeah that was a Budden line, but it applies to you. Stop looking for the worst and appreciate what you have from the start. Allowing your insecurities to get the best of you, will have you alone in the long run. Young fool will turn into old fool.
Sincerely,
Love
I really don't feel like typing this but I'm going to get this out of the way:
If you've been under a rock, Kanye West and Lil Mama both made headlines on Sunday. Kanye interrupted Taylor Swift to say that Beyonce had one of the hottest videos in the decade. Lil Mama crashed Jay-Z and Alicia Keys' performance of Empire State Of Mind. Both acts have been roasted via Twitter. I'm just asking for it to stop because.. it's been old fast.
So this is the new schedule:
Work: Mon, Wed, & Fri
School: Tues & Thurs
Sat & Sun: ???
The picture is clear, no HD.
So after 3 classes(1 professor was absent and my other class is tomorrow), I think this semester will be decent. Hopefully I will be able to keep focus(who knew that learning about Human Resources could be boring?)
But again, I'm humbled at this opportunity so I'll make the most of it.
"... And it starts" - Lupe Fiasco
You know they say when you see signs, you shouldn't ignore them. Well the writing's on the wall and I'm heeding that advice.
But anyway good people, it's been a minute since I last posted something meaningful here. *exhales* But life goes on. Today's the first day of school and as usual, I'm unprepared. I don't have my books (I'll get them on Thursday) but it's good to have your family there to support you through these times.
I am ready to face this challenge and just hope that I land clearly when the smoke clears. I look at how I've done things and granted while I could've made adjustments, this road traveled must be the one that I'm destined to take.
One thing I would like to accomplish this semester, is trying to be more engaging towards others. I know for a few that's reading this, it's going to be a shocker because how I'm just the type to play the background. Well orientation kind of opened up things a little bit. But I just need to get out of this shell.
Well I may be updating through out the day so keep your eyes opened..Ha yeah right.
Most that know me that I'm not most socialable type of person, but if something is given to me, I'm appreciative of the gesture. I don't like to bother anyone about something because some have that tendency of holding it over your head later. But what I'm really trying to say is thank you to everyone that has played their role in regards to my life. Whether it was tough love, encouragement, reality checks, it is well appreciated. Even those that have a lot going on, I give thanks too. You show that when the chips are down, you rise to the occasion and do what is needed to be done.
This next phase that I'm ready to enter, I hope that I still get that support from you. And know that when you need it from me, it's a given. We are all stars.
Most importantly, thanks should be given to our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. We often take for granted the opportunites that were made for us, but we as people should look to him and say thank you. I know that probably will turn some people off but whatever.
Mary J. Blige has a song called Take Me As I Am. The singer from Houston had a song called Flaws And All. Well it seems when it comes to our imperfections, some people tend to overlook theirs and are quick to point out others. Like they were created in the image of Jesus himself. None of us are. As much as we try not to, we tend to judge each other on things that we can or can't control. I know I'm not perfect as I have scars, bumps and other things on me as well. Some just tend to think that they are just the world's gift. Things can change in an instant or it could be passed down to your next generation. So if you can't accept me for who I am, then move the fuck on. No need for you to be around me if I don't fit what society deems as "correct". If I can accept you for your stutter and your wandering eye, then you should be able to do the same for me. Then it just annoys me that those have way more imperfections should be more grateful instead of tearing others down. But whatever, it will be the same ol superficial, egotisitc people that some of you are.
