Dream Sequence

So pretty much over the past couple of weeks, I've been having these weird dreams. Here's a sample of them:

1. Random females from my past ganging up against me w/ current female co-workers.

2. Beefing with Bloods over a shirt.

3. Being chased by this African because I witnessed him murder someone.

4. Still being chased by the African then ended up w/ a white woman that kidnapped me.

5. Tams was on Plurk. (Don't ask)

Slightly Buzzed.

So like yeah I'm just on a buzz because I had some Twister left over and some vodka too. So I thought to myself, "Self why don't you mixed these two and see what you come up with."

So I mixed and shaken not stirred.. ha ha I made a James Bond funny. So while I was in Walmart, you doing my part in pumping money back into the economy,(No dis to Jeezy but FRUCK THE RECESSION!!! GOTDAMNIT!!) I spotted this girl walking with another girl and they had kids surrounding(Typical shit you see now and days, nothing new). SO it turns out to be my Step Mother's Granddaughter. So and like she's different. And I was like oh shit, she must've had more kids because she was already fast. But I don't know cuz she made it obvis...(why the fuck can't I spell obvious. See clear as day right there.) So anyway she made it OBVIOUS that she saw me. Like she told the other bird(HAHAHAHA shoutouts to Liz. You should've slapped ol girl. Word up!!)I guess that I was my father's son. Whatever I just kept on pushing the cart. I mean damn it was packed. I saw this other girl that I used to work with at Home Depot. Well she's a freak(and before you ask no I didn't try to holla. She had more facial hair than me but she still spread her pussy like the rainbow. OH SHIT A LIL KIM REFERENCE!!!) So the last time I checked, she was at LOWE'S and shit. Probably fucked half the store there.

So why is that when people get a lil rank, they wanna try to act as if they running things. I mean that shit pisses me off. How you gonna try to act bad ass when you really ain't shit. I mean you on some snitching shit as is. So FRUKC YOU DUDE!!!! PUSSY ASS BEEEEYYOOOTTTCCCHH!!!!

So like I was taking pictures today and I was like oooh..why these shits looks so said. Damn I have a cold, I got the sniffles..wah wah wah. I have to go back to Walmart because they gave me the incorrect belt size and shit. Fucktards!!! Since when did 'fucktard' become a recognizable word by Firefox?

SO what have we learned today...ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!! People that lease cars are still idiots and I will continue to bash those fools. And you know Walmart had a nerve to be out of Chessman cookies!!?? HOW YOU GONNA BE OUT OF CHESSMAN COOKIES!!!! I mean I found one back and it was shivering and shaking in the back. I had to rescue it!!! HERE I AM!!!! FOUR FOURS KNOCK YOUR MAN OFF YOUR POLO SWEATER!!! FUCKING JAY-Z BITCHES!!!!!!

I'M OUT!!!!!

IT'S THE KING BIIIITTTCCCCCHHHHHH.

Shouts to T.I.

M.I.A.

Where were you?
While I was growing up, no positive male role models in sight.
Where were you?
Going through my days being tormented and trying to avoid fights.
Where were you?
Strung out on drugs known to man.
Where were you?
Trying to survive on $30.90. Moms couldn't understand.

I've done fine without you. Don't need you in my life.
No communication needed. Forgiveness comes with no price.
You've done more for others. Created another family.
Treated me as an outsider. Fuck how you feel, don't explain shit to me.

So much pain, so much aggression, affecting me mentally.
Sperm donor you are. I only see you when I stare in the mirror physically.
Wish I could cut the skin away and walk away soulless as I fall apart.
Pray that THE LORD forgives me for this pain and hate that dwells within my heart.

Side Effects.

"For the rest of my life with you
I finally built up the strength to walk away
Don't regret it but I still live with the side effects" - Mariah Carey "Side Effects"

So of course we have done things in our past that we wish we could have a retry. Most of the time, we allow that to run its course and we use it as a reflection on what not to do. Now Lord knows I'm not perfect, I've done some things that I'm not proud of, made wrong decisions, etc. All I can do is ask to be forgiven. Sometimes friendships fade for many reasons. But I wish that things could go back to how they used to be. Seeing that person happy is the number one most important thing. So if things do end up on the outs for any reason, just know that I'll cherish those moments we shared.

Thoughts Via Songs..

"And where are you now
Now that i need you
Tears on my pillow
Wherever you go
Cry me a river that leads to your oceans
You'll never see me fall apart" - Bee Gees "Emotions"

Well I was listening to the version that Destiny's Child remade. This song is in fact very emotional. I never let anyone see me fall apart.

"When you look at me things ain't what it seems.
God's got a hold on me.
I've been down on luck.
There and back again.
Yeah, he still cares.
Praise and mercy.
Carry to his name." - Lil Mo "Dotted I(I'm Not Perfect)"

Reminds me of when I do actually go to church. Just know that HE is watching over all of us, no matter how we may live our life.

"If I could take this back I would
If I could rewind the time to when it was all good
I would, take it back to when we said good-bye
If I..." - Foxy Brown "If I"

So many goodbyes

"Looking for sun, all I see is the hail
How I'm gon' trust? All I see is betrayal
It's like they keep trying more and more to subdue me
And only you understand, signed by yours truly" - Joe Budden "Dear Diary"

This song hits home on so many levels. Especially that "How I'm gon' trust?/All I see is betrayal" line.

"I'm a soldier in this war and I resemble my pops
I ain't nothin like him, that's where this criminal stop" - Memphis Bleek "In My Life"

When I did this before, I think back in May or June, I went in depth as to the relationship with my father and myself. Still haven't spoken to him. I have a unfinished letter that I haven't sent to him yet. *sigh*

Don't Ask Because I Won't Tell.

So I'm wondering if I should just sit here and just let things just fade away. Making a decision will affect others, so I'm just hoping that it goes away. No one to really talk to about it because either 1: They wouldn't understand or 2: They have their own stuff going on.

I just feel like shutting things down and just leaving it alone and pray that the situation fixes itself. Always allow myself to get trapped and then have a tough way of getting out. I wish I could go back to the days where it wasn't no action. Just me going about my days not having to worry about shit.

But this the things that you hear about in songs, read about in magazines, hear people talking about: Life. There's no way around it and everyone of us has a story to tell. Just a matter of those that want to listen.

Best Jay-Z Guest Verses. Part 1

So pretty much whenever Jay-Z is featured as a guest on someone's record, I make sure to pay close attention to the track in general. Just because he's been killing it for so long. Now everyone has their opinion on him and basically this is one that I formed on my own while listening to some of his earlier work. These are some of my favorite Jay-Z guest verses that he's done for others(whether it's album, remixes or mixtapes):

- Jay-Z's verse on Amil's "For The Fam".
Favorite lines:
This is much more than rap, it's black entrepreneurship
Clothing, movie, and films, we come to conquer it all
Roc-A-Wear, eighty mill like, eighteen months
You could bullshit wit rap if you want, muthafuckers
When it's all said and done, we gon see what's what
Holla at Hov, I'll be in the cut

- Jay-Z's verse on Big Daddy Kane's "Show And Prove"
Favorite lines:
And ain't no eatin me up, you fast fuckin with jigga
I'm like Prince jeans, I bring the ass out a nigga

- Jay-Z's verse from Freeway's "What We Do"
Lemme get 'em Free
Hov never slackin' mang, zippin' in the black Range
Faster than the red ghost, gettin' ghost wit' Pac-Mang
One-time know a got a knack to get that change
Leader of the black gang, R-O-C mang
Bang like T-Mac, ski mask air it out
Gotta kill witnesses 'cause Free's beard's stickin' out
Y'all don't want no witness shit, we squeeze hammers mang
Bullets breeze by you, like Lousiana mang...
But I gotta feed Tianna mang...
So I move keys you can call me the Piano Man
Rain...sleet, hail...snow man
Slang dough, E, hydro man...

Jay-Z's verse from Juvenile's "Ha(Remix)"
Favorite lines:
You done got yourself in some deep shit
Now you stuck in your house, you gotta peep the remix
You can't go out cuz they gon leave you in a deep ditch
And hit you with the sign if you decide to keep shit
The only reason you alive cuz you read lips
and you drove on the block low in yo' seat an' shit
Seen em mouthin off, they don't need this shit

Jay-Z's verse from Kanye West's "Diamonds From Sierra Leone(Remix)
Favorite lines:
This ain't no tall order, this is nothin' to me
Difficult takes a day, impossible takes a week
I do this in my sleep
I sold kilos of coke, I'm guessin' I can sell CDs
I'm not a businessman
I'm a business, man
Let me handle my business, damn

Jay-Z's verse from Lil Cease's "4 My Niggaz"
Favorite lines:
BK style (what), see Jay how (uh)
We don't play fair, we play foul
Go head, stand there, we spray crowds
Live from the 7-1-8
If there ever was one great
I'm him, nigga, times ten

Jay-Z's verse from Lil Kim's "Big Momma"
Favorite lines:
Pull a high power Coup make, you jump ship
Leave who you wit', I'm with the Roc-A-Fella crew
Trip you for the cheese, tear your room up
Spread a ill rumor, make you flip on Little Ceas