While It Is Fresh On My Mind

So I currently have two gripes when it comes to dealing with other people. First is people thinking that they so are knowledgeable about a person that they can say what they want. And second, hanging out with people.

So I was at lunch today, with Thing 1 and Thing 2. So I ordered lunch from this restaurant and Thing 2 asks why I didn't see if anyone else wanted anything. So I said the same reason that no one didn't ask if I wanted a bagel. So they both started laughing and Thing 2 goes that's how you are tit for tat? I'm like yeah. That's how I feel about things like that in general. So Thing 1 goes into this who rant about all I want is for people to kiss my ass and a whole bunch of other shit. My thing is this, I shouldn't have to look out for you when it comes to you eating unless it's a mutual thing. That's just how I am. If you look out for me, I'll look out for you. It just irks me how people just think that they know a person just by working for them for a few months.

The second issue is the subject of hanging out with other people. Now the discussion that I was having about this was that of when people plan cookouts, parties, etc and your weren't initially invite, should you attend even after the person told you to still attend. Now if the group wanted to include you, then they could have called, text, left a message on myspace. I mean technology is more advance in recent years. Then it's like you get called for acting funny but you weren't invited so why even go through the trouble of attending?

I'm out.


Your Personal Ingredients

What makes you to be the individual that you are?

Is it the flashy personality that likes to spend time with children?

Or you could be the quiet person that stays in the back who secretly wants
to break out of his or her mold and showcase the talents that you possess.

Maybe you come from a long line of great cooks in your family.

You might follow behind your father and sticks to working hard and saving play for later.

Could it be that your grandparents instilled values to you that presents you as the loving and caring person that you've been groomed to be.

We all have many things within us that makes us the person that we are.

Some of it contains flaws but those are what makes us really stand out from others.


Things Fall Apart..

"we knew from the start that
things fall apart, intentions shatter" - Black Thought "You Got Me"

It's a known fact that relationships, no matter the type, falls apart. Family,
significant other, best friend - they all can end. Some for the best and others for
the worst.

I've been writing a letter to my father for almost three weeks now. I let another pair
of eyes view it and it brought tears to her face. I know there are plenty of others that
are in the same boat that I'm in. I'm looking to repair the bridge as to speak but it's
hard. When you sit there and think about how some of the most important phases of your
life and that main piece of your life wasn't there, it hits you right in the gut. Now
my father did come to my graduation, but I didn't see him. I got a text from my mother
saying that he was there. It would have been nice to just speak to him, even for a
brief moment. So this letter that I'm writing is just to let him know how I feel
about the "relationship" that we have or lack thereof. It's gonna be a tough road to
travel, but someone very close to me said that once I get it out, it will be well
worth it.

Now in the eyes of your significant other, maybe that crumbling state was known from
the start. But being the person that you are, you probably thought that you could
hang on and make it work. I know you that you want to be happy and the fact that
someone is willing to take a chance with you, isn't always for the best. Sometimes it
that unexpected person that you have already known that may turn out to be the best
one for you.

Best friend? Now this one can be a tough one. Now one of my best friends and I had a
talk today. She recently just gotten over a tough situation and we really hadn't spoke
that much in recent weeks. We've had many and many ups and downs. But I just miss the
fun times that we had and just hanging out. The two of us are in different stages
right now but I just hope that this won't be the end of the road as to speak.

So what have we learned? Again, relationships of any sorts can fall apart. It's just do
you feel like grabbing that glue to repair it?


Bored At Work Leads To This

What happened to those days where it was all good?
The days where we had laughs and rolled tight.
Now and days folk don't even speak
Makes you wonder if the friendship was ever all right.
Trips we took to Six Flags to the whole M&G Experience
Things went south Feb. 07, saw who was who and what was what
Played me for a fool and now I'm on the outside looking in

Try to speak just to see how you doing.
No response, just an empty feeling like
damn estranged family got me in the zone
On my X shit, I ain't trying to die alone
Or maybe when I listen to GCH and become blinded by the sun
Cause in reality I was blinded by son
Putting faith in friendships that don't exist
Wake me up from this dream cuz we're living a lie
Never disrespected you but that knife in the back hurts

Don't wish you any ills only success
Just peeping how the situation turned things sour
Neither one of us the blame
But I was away with the most shame

end of transmission.


Stuck Somewhere You Don't Want To Be.

You know how you go to work and you just sit there doing what you do? Well I've been at the current job for like 5 months. And it's slowly driving me insane to quote MJB. I was going to give a rundown on what I had to do but I quickly changed my mind. It's too much to remember and I'm not trying to go there. I'm just mad tired and ummm I need a new change of scenery fast.

Folks always wonder why I'm so quick to go out of town. I'd rather be someone else experiencing new things. It's always fun to learn and grow within yourself.

I plan on to continue traveling because this world has so much to offer.


A Few Things...

- I'm currently replaying the full version of Joe Budden's "Who". He str8 let loose on how he felt about the current state of hip hop. He reached back and brought things that you've might have forgotten about and it also makes you think. I'm glad that he mad mention of that VIBE bullshit.

- Bad service in a restaurant will make you not want to patron. Sitting in a well known restaurant for 15 minutes without being waited on is not good business. Then to have the server come to you and rush you to make your order isn't cool either. Then charging $1.19 for some cheese on your eggs is ridiculous.

- What I'm trying to figure out is, how can you possibly be homeless near a shopping mall? If you put two and two together, most malls don't even have residential areas. If they do then it's some really good houses. So when I ride past the areas where it's folks standing at the intersection with those I'm homeless please help me, I can't help to think that they are scam artists. I remember when I working at the movie theater, I saw a dude sitting on the bus with his sign and he got off and walked to his corner.

- This summer has been a really good one for movies. Ironman, Wall-E, Hancock are among the favorites. I am gonna watch Dark Knight probably today and this weekend I'm going to see Step Brothers.


Baltimore's Loss Is Heaven's Gain.

On the early morning of Monday, July 21, the City Of Baltimore lost one of our legends. Khia Edgerton a.k.a. DJ K-Swift died after a pool accident at her Northeast Baltimore home. Swift had been a fixture in the Baltimore club scene ever since the 90's. Once you heard that voice and her signature "I'll See You There Baby!", you knew the party was one that you had to attend. She had been a DJ for Baltimore's 92Q(WERQ) for 10 years and held down the 6pm-10pm spot along with Squirrel Wyde. Her death comes as shock to the entire city as she was well liked and she was also apart of the Murder Mami's Crew.

I have two distinct memories of meeting K-Swift. The first was when my cousin and I was heading to Baltimore's "The Tunnel"(Well it used to be called Trilogy's because of the three story club). So we were trying to decide on which club to hit up. So K-Swift was outside and she overheard us and so she was like "Ya'll need to hit the B-Spot(the lower level club) that spot is going to be jumping off." So we was like all right and paid the $10 to get in and had a great time. She was on the wheels and she knew how to get the club jumping off.

The second meeting with K-Swift was when I was working at Wal-Mart in Glen Burnie. At the time I was working in the Photo Lab and I was re-stocking some cameras. So as I'm headed back to the Lab, I see Swift looking around. So I greeted her and she was looking for (in her words) a big ass desk. So being that Wal-Mart policy was that you had to help the customers no matter what, I went and helped her find that "big ass desk". She found what she was looking for and thanked me. I would also see her at the clubs during Friday Night 92Q radio broadcasts (She wanted to cuss so bad...lol) but wherever she was she attracted the crowds.

We're going to miss Baltimore's only Female DJ and the hours between 6pm to 10pm will never be the same again. As I stated throughout the day, Baltimore will forever hold you down. We love you and we miss you.

It's times like these where you should really take the time to cherish your loved ones. Because
they could be gone in an instant and then you'll realize how silly those spats where. Tell them that you love them dearly. A hug and kiss won't hurt either.


Weekend's Over...

Another wonderful work week is approaching...

- My left eyes hurts a little.

- I just wish that I could head in to work unnoticed and just avoid all contact. But
knowing certain people, they'll create a scene.

- Great American Bash was an ok PPV.

- Didn't get to go to Artscape. So hopefully, I'll be able to go next year.

- I'm going to discuss Vibe's "Best Rapper Alive" Tourney in the upcoming weeks.


What Does Your Opinion Amount To?

"And if I ever.. let the words, of another nigga bother me
I might as well.. let the sperm, of that other nigga father me" - DMX "Some X Shit"

I wonder what are the intentions of those that think their opinions
really matter? Granted yeah some people are complete idiots and need to be examined.
But who are we to judge?

You can't tell a person how to live their life.

It's some things that I don't agree with but those people will have deal with
decisions that they make.


Playing Follow The Leader

"Hanging w/ those scalawags
Then she started sniffing coke
Giving butt all through the hood
Still but of average ho
Catch her down at Secrets where them trap boyz be
Jukin' on the flo (on the flo) catch a nose bleed
Funny thing is those girls that she really wanna be
Steady laugh behind her back calling her a wannabe
Wanna hit it raw all you gotta do is play that Weezy
It's easy wake up in the morning, pop that E-Z
Headed to the White House I ain't talking DC
White girl lost clear as a bottle of Fuji" - Kidz In The Hall "The In-Crowd"

Well I was in a writing mood this evening but I got hit with some bad news. But I'll try to make the most of this blog.

Most of us while growing up, wanted to be accepted so in order to be considered "cool",
you had to do something to prove that you were worthy of such status. Whether it was stealing something, playing a prank or anything else that made you worthy enough, you had to prove that you were cool enough to roll with the crew. Most of the time you got away with it and gained some new friends in the process. But some weren't so lucky. Those ones received punishment from their parents and/or the law enforcement. Which poses another question: Where is that so called crew that was going to have your back?

I didn't worry about fitting in because I was a loner anyway. Plus my mother was strict so if she would've found about me doing some foolishness, that would've been my ass.



Didn't feel like blogging so here's an old story that I wrote back in 2004.

Road trips are supposed to be enjoyable and take you away from the stress of work and school. However, the last road trip I took was anything but that. After the things I encountered, I was ready to get back home as fast as possible. This road trip didn’t have any bright spots so overall, I wouldn’t want to go on another road trip in the near future. Even today I can remember exactly what happened.

First of all, there were some issues that we had to attend to before embarking on our little trip. Moe, who planned this whole trip, was nowhere to be found. Everyone that was going was supposed to meet at the movie theater at 8:00am. I arrived there at 7:30am and had to wait for the other people who were going on the trip. Then, 30 minutes later, Tosha, Heather, Tymia, Kenneth, Krystle, and Terence finally arrived. Moe, who was late even when he was on time, had overslept due to some late-night partying. So when he arrived at the theater around 9:30am, he looked as if he had been in a knock down/drag out fight. So, Kenneth decides that he would drive just in case Moe started to steer off the highway and we’d all end up in the emergency room.

During the three-hour drive to Virginia, I had an enjoyable conversation with Tymia. She was a little less than 6 feet tall, dark-skinned with long brown hair. She wore glasses and she had a lovely smile. We were discussing the subject of interracial relationships, when out of the corner of my eye I noticed a young lady who needed a little assistance with her car. I motioned to Kenneth, who must’ve been reading my mind because he started to pull over on to the shoulder of the road

so we could lend a little assistance. As Kenneth and I exited the van to go assist the young lady, Heather noticed that the young lady was acting very strange, like she was up to no good. However, Kenneth and I were more concerned about who would be the first to get her number. As soon as we reached her car, the woman pulls out a gun and tells us to empty our pockets. Kenneth, who stands a little more than six feet tall, almost fainted when he saw the gun pointed directly in his face. I kept my usual calmness; and did not comply with her command. The young lady stared at me in a perplexed manner. Seconds later, she started to asked me why my money wasn’t being transferred to her hand. While all of this is going on outside, everyone inside the van is starting to freak out. Tosha was in tears, pleading for Kenneth and I to give her the money and come back to the van. But Krystle wasn’t having any of that. She left out the van with a crazed looked in her eyes, like she was going to do something painful. What was about to happen next I don’t even think the young lady could even imagine this happening to her. Krystle yanked the young lady by her braids and slammed her head into the car door window. When I say smashed, I mean her head went through the glass like it was a rock. Then, the young lady fell to the side of the road unconscious with a bloody face that made it look like she was going to be lying there for a while. Out of all of us, Krystle is the quiet one and I wouldn’t expect that anger to come out of her. Krystle then kicked the motionless young lady to see if she was responsive then she told both of us to get inside the van. As soon as we climbed in, everyone started to exchange jokes.

So we continued our road trip to Virginia. Before we had gone too far, we realized we were starving, so we all stopped at a Waffle House. We all ordered some waffles, fried ham, grits and some orange juice to drink. There was a loud family that sat directly behind us who was enjoying their meal. But their two twin boys were more concerned about irritating us than eating their meal. I became visibly irritated with those two, so I took a large heaping of my grits and I gave one of the twins a nice smash to the face. Next, the other twin tossed some eggs in my direction, but he missed me and instead it hit Tosha upside her head. Tosha, who was the firecracker of the group flipped out and an all out food fight started. It was so messy, that the restaurant had to close for forty-five minutes in order to clean up. The boisterous family wasn’t allowed back inside since they were they ones who initiated the whole food chaos.

Finally, after a long day of driving around and visiting the mall to shop, we decided to patronize a local club just to have a little fun before heading back home. The club bouncers did not want to allow Terence in the club because they thought he was underage. So after he produced his card, we stepped inside the already packed club. It seemed like the locals figured that we were from out of town and decided to test us. So while we were dancing near the bar, three guys decided todisrespect the ladies. Consequently, when we spoke up a fight ensued. Subsequently, minutes later we were tossed out of the club. Next, the club owners decided to press charges against the three guys since they were always causing trouble there. Without too much discussion, we all decided to head home. One thing is certain, I am sure that our road trip afforded us the kind of script that would produce a successful motion picture. Finally we are all in agreement with the writer who stated, “There Is No Place Like Home.”


All Over The Place.

"I pimp hard on a trick, look
Fuck if your leg broke bitch, hop up on your good foot" - Jay-Z "Cashmere Thoughts"

Don't ask me why I put that up there. Shatia kept bugging me about the verse and lucky I happened to have Reasonable Doubt on the PSP.

So today starts another exciting, fantastic work week[/sarcasm]

Nas will officially be on sale tomorrow and I'll grab my copy when I get off of work.

Some things that happened in your lifetime, you might want to block out. They all have an lifelong effect on how you present yourself and how others see you. Me, I tend to just leave that part of my life locked away until it's needed to be presented. Even then it's still hard to talk about it.

Wall-E was a very good movie. I see why the critics rated that movie so high. That's a movie that I would take the godchildren to see.

I know that I said this before, but I feel like a social outcast. It's like I don't want to force myself into other people's lives, but I exclude myself or often get overlooked.

"This can't be life, this can't be love
This can't be right, there's gotta be more, this can't be us
This can't be life, this can't be love
This can't be right, there's gotta be more, this can't be us" - This Can't Be Life

I'm going to start a rough draft of this letter. More like open conversation.

It's been years in the making.


My New Addiction.

First it was Junior's Cheesecake, then it was Nick's from up Gun Hill Rd. Now I have brand new obsession with the City That Never Sleeps. White Castle. Harold & Kumar brought it to the big screen in like 2004 or some shit. Now they sell these in the frozen food section of your local supermarket. But nothing is like actually going to the restaurant and and sinking your teeth into one of those tiny burgers. The Chicken Rings are off the chain too. So when I come from out of the Port Authority after that 4 hour bus ride, I'm going to make a right and head on down to White Castle.


4 Years Ago

I remember my mother asking me something that I thought I would never of hearing come from her: She asked me to give her away at her wedding.

So this was my mother's 2nd attempt at marriage. The first time was like when I was 3 years old and the dude she married was a fucking asshole and a junkie. Now I was too young at the time and I remember my mother telling me how she met him. Hell he was older than my grandmother at the time. I do have some memories (not good ones) of living on 28th Street. I also remember the night that she left him for good. My mother gathered our things and she came around to my grandmother's house. That was the end of that. I remember that he had a son and two daughters. The two daughters I remember were Theresa and Kim. Theresa had a son named Paris, who was slightly younger than me but he was known for riding bikes and things. Kim had a daughter named Regis. Kim didn't like my mother at all, probably because they were around the same age. I dunno. Well their father passed away like a few years later from an OD. And I didn't like him at all. Yeah I was young, I know this but whenever we got off that #8 and we had to cross Greenmount Avenue, I would get sad. I hated that house and just everything associated with it. Wow. I mean that whole experience is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to me. Lack of positive male role models is a primary reason why I don't really associate with males.

So as I pondered the fact if I wanted to give her away or not, I had to think about the new male that she was going to marry. He was older than her, not like her first husband but a some years (I think between 5-7 years). Now I am very protective of who my mother deals with (That's another blog) and so I was really not wanting to meet Anthony at first. I remember one Thanksgiving, she brought him past my grandmother's house and she wanted me to meet him. I wouldn't come downstairs for nothing. So when she left, she called me and she was not too happy either. Nor was my grandmother who really let me have it. I finally did meet him that next year on Mother's Day at the church. We spoke and that was that. He's a very quiet person and he has to warm up to you. But generally, he is a nice person who is into cars and church. (Trust, he knows both of those subjects very well.) I finally gave my mother my decision (I had no option in the matter -- lol). They just celebrated their anniversary yesterday (mad that I wasn't invited *sneer*). But I'm happy for both of them.

Wow if I would've went deeper into this, this would've been mad long.


Parents Past Is Their Childrens Future

So I was at church and my mother was preaching about Beauty. She was discussing how females should accept the beauty for which God gave them because he made each one different. Then she briefly spoke about her past and some mistakes that she made. So it led me to thinking about how some females and males act today and how their children as they get older, inherit those characteristics.

What I mean by that is like relationship wise, if your parents are years apart most likely those kids will do the same in their relationships. It's like a recurring cycle and it's hard to ditch no matter how hard you try to shake it.

Well I know that I have my father's traits, although I don't know much about his childhood and teenage years. Well one thing I didn't follow in was his drug habit. Well that isn't a natural trait that is one brought on. But I think a lot of things that he did, I am currently doing now.

My mother well...I have some of her traits as well. Her strong emotional traits -- Got that.
Caring nature -- that too. Singing talent -- well two out of three isn't bad. But most of the things she did as a teenager, I know I didn't do while coming up.

In the physical department, I would say that younger I took after my mother because I looked like her the most and my father was skinny in family full of not so skinny people. Then once I hit my teenage years, my father's "beautiful family" (as my mother would say) features took over. And we all know how that turned out. I see him every time I stare at a picture.

In the intelligence department, well I graduated from the same high school as did both my parents. I don't even know if my father went to college. I attended the same school that my mother did (when she went there it was Community College Of Baltimore a.k.a. CCB) but I graduated. (CLASS OF '08 BABY!!!!) And of course I was able to live through anything since Magic made it.

I think I need to investigate this further, since I need to write this letter (it's coming babes) to my father. So this might be something that I can ask him about. Well this about ends this entry. I'm out!!!

"Enough with the big head jokes" - George Lopez



It's been years since we've hung out here. The four of us have grown together, apart and back together again. I've decided to pay a visit to my old neighborhood only to see that the once booming area is nothing more than a ghost town. When I was coming up, the stores were once full of energy and customers. Now it's ragged, ran down with barely any signs of life. I walk past the stores that used to be colorful and now they are dull and boarded up with wood. I stand in front of the walkway where there was an old tree that my friends and I carved out our names. Jamie was the athletic one. The star player of the football team, who along the way lost his passion for the game.

*end of transmission.



Memories of when we first locked eyes
Still watch that video of us sharing a moment
Never would've expected 2 years later, you'd be the prize.
Still feels like a first date when we meet
Fireworks like the 4th of July when we kiss
Late nights holding you close -- knew that I was in for a treat.
Morning kisses greet us when we awake
Seeing you smile and move in close
Moments that we share that no one will ever take.
So now it comes for us to depart
Pictures, laughs and the timeless treasures that we share
Know that I love you from the bottom of my heart.


This Is Gonna Be A Very Hot Summer!!!!

This album. This shit right here!!!!

This is some classic HIP HOP!!!!

Breathe and N.I.G.G.E.R. (Slave and Master) shall be on repeat.

I think that I have to listen to this again probably once more before I go to sleep.

Fried Chicken (feat. Busta Rhymes) goes hard too.

Yeah I'm running this back as I am typing this.

Just My Thoughts

I'm confused on something: Why does good things happen to bad people. Not necessarily saying that they are bad but that they seem to have the luck of the Irish when it comes to life. They can do things to others and be praised for their efforts. But soon as tragedy strikes, then they want folks to feel sorry for them and have compassion in their hearts. But what about those that you stepped on and over to get where you are? You made fun of them, made their life a shambles but yet, you want someone to look at you as a Good Samaritan? Yeah ok that'll be the day when the U.S. elects another Bush in office.

"do you even remember the tender boy
you turned into a cold young man
with one goal and one plan" - Jay-Z "Where Have You Been"

This quote can sum up my feelings on a subject that I briefly discussed a week ago. I'm still trying to find the words to say. It's somewhat hard but I think I'll get it done.

When you live a sheltered life, those actions and traits that you developed, tends to follow you along throughout life. You try to shake them off but in the back of your mind, you get that thought that person will turn their back on you. It's been done previously so you're just waiting for that shoulder to be turned away from you. No trust, no true friends, just my thoughts and views on how the world looks at you and when you try to fit in, you get shunned and ignored. Overworked and passed up and when you are mute, they say that you are acting funny. Stare at the mirror and you'll see who is truly acting funny.

No need for dissing and card pulling, those people know who they are. They might never read this but if they do come across it, it is what it is.

Just Another Over-Commericialized Holiday.

So it is the 4th of July. Where the U.S. gained its freedom from England. But of course that doesn't mean that the Blacks were free either. But I really don't feel like getting political because that really isn't my cup of tea. I'm still I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T. But really the 4th of July is just used to make money for businesses such as Wal-Mart, Home Depot, your local movie theater, supermarket, etc. Pure capitalism. I mean I used to work @ Home Depot and during the 4th they have specials running. So of course, people with money burning in their pockets will run and in the words of Ralph Bellamy SPEND! SPEND! SPEND!(For those few lost on the reference, please watch Trading Places with Eddie Murphy and Dan Aykroyd) If "I Put On" is going to be Jeezy's debut single from The Recession, then it's gonna continue to be another hot summer.

Patriotic? I think not.


Another Short Week.

Cuz Friday is the 4th and that means 3 day weekend!!! Woot!!!

I saw Hancock and I enjoyed it. It wasn't corny like I originally thought it would be.

So I went out and had dinner with myself. Someone folks actually do that. Anyway I had a pretty decent time.

I really don't feel like working today but it's just tomorrow left and then woohoo!!!!! Time for cookouts!!!! And I have two that I'm invited too.

Beyonce sighting

Time for work folks. Ya'll got the numbers. Hit me up. *deuce*


Late Nights Thoughts...

So I'm up late once again just sitting here trying to figure out a few things. So hopefully within the next 15 minutes, I'll be sleeping.

- I don't know why my family wants to keep me on a leash. Like I can't spread my wings and fly. I love them dearly but I need to do things on my own.

- Life is too short people. Anything can change in an instant.

- I saw how much the Instinct cost. And I just might save up to get it.

- Seriously, if Bill Clinton really did say that Obama had to kiss his ass in order to receive his support for the presidential nomination, then he really isn't the "black president" they thought he was made out to be.

- Why do I accept most myspace invites, especially artists but I rarely go to their page to listen to their music? Speaking of which there's an artist named Erk Tha Jerk who has this song called "Don't Need Em". Track is pretty decent coming from an Bay Area artist.

- Now I see why when people go to Dave & Busters and they spent their time at those games where you can easily when tickets. Shit I was cleaning up at the trivia game, even when I wasn't winning I was placing. Babes was killing at the Wheel Of Fortune machine.

- So I guess Nas is coming in two weeks. Eh, I mean when Eazy-E came out with

They had a scratch off where you could see "Muthafuckin" so I'm saying we can't be creative. I still don't understand why folks are so sensitive about "NIGGER". JUST GET OVER IT!!! If you allow that word to bring you down then by all means go ahead and be the punk pussy that you are.

- Damn it's 3:07am. I'm gonna get fussed at later when someone reads this. lol

- So I tried to purchase the 7:00 pm showing for Hancock but I think that it's sold out.

- On a final note, I want to try something new. Pick a topic for me to write about. Don't sit there and say "Oh I don't know". I mean literally pick something and have it ready for me within the next few days.