New Years Eve Video Blog



2008 will be coming to an end. So many people talking about fresh starts, new beginnings, etc. The same things that you had to deal with in 2008, will be there in 2009. Drama, bullshit, people entering and exiting your life.. it will all be there. So no need for New Years Resolutions because most don't even keep them.

Moms is coming upon the half century mark so I think I want to get her things that have to do with that.

I'm feeling the burnout from that "prison". So I have to look elsewhere. I'm gonna need a second gig, since I have newly added responsibilities.(Someone tell her to suck on that.)

Tania good looks on cutting the dead weight.

I'm saying if Ray J can get a reality show, then fuck let me get one.


Am I Really Thankful?

Another Christmas has passed and now we are facing 2009 w/ less than a week to go. So I look back on 2008, I can say that it has had its moments. Speaking of Xmas, I hope that everyone should remember the true meaning of this holiday, not to just go out and get presents. You can get that at anytime of the year.

So GMC has been granted the funds to keep itself afloat. Now the company that I work for is a vendor for the company(Titling and some other shit.), but they set forth a salary freeze for all of 2009. Meaning if you are in line for a raise, you'll be getting that in 2010. I'd rather use my services elsewhere. I could be in the situation that I was in last year, but things are getting better for me so I'm keeping positive fingers crossed.

I am so grateful to have her around. Even when I am acting up, she still is there.

I am thankful for these words:

"I think that you show wonderful character. You aren't biased with your opinions & you're straight forward. A very kindhearted individual who's not afraid to still tell it like it is. A person not really prone to receiving compliments but deserves every one that comes his way. You are indeed priceless sweetheart.
Only in fear that someone undeserving may cross your path, I'm protecting you cuz Official Derek/Cooley/McCools loving is non-refundable and you can't afford to lose any cause that some powerful stuff!! Priceless but way more valuable than life itself!!! It's your loving! And the fact that it's genuine love is a definite bonus."

Thank you Cey-Cey. Even though I tell her daily that she's a really great friend, she shares the love in return.

I am thankful for those two good friends of mine that found love in 2008. I hope that they are able to keep it strong and healthy.

I am going to pray for her. It's sad that she only tells people half the truth or tries to justify her actions. If anyone asks me about the situation, I'll tell them straight up what it was and what it didn't end up being. Of course they'll believe HERstory(You were wrong TLC, they don't believe HIStory.)

"Maybe I'm exhausted, maybe I just lost it
Maybe I should pick up a pen and try 'n force it
Same old story, guts and no glory
They tryna low ball me, do him like Joe Torre" - Joe Budden "All Of Me"


Video Blog

I'm saying how you gonna roast someone when you look like Swamp Thing?



"And I wish I could make it like it used to be
Can't believe I'm through loving you
And you're through loving me, you
And in the middle of my final tears
You call out my name, my name
You cried out my name
But it could never be the same
Cause this is all I have" - Amerie "All I Have"

Sometimes we come to a crossroad where you have to make a decision. Most of the time that decision is for good or worse(depending on how you look at it). You tried and tried but some things you said or did, can't be taken back. So pretty much you are stuck between a rock and hard place. So what's next? Do you stay or do you go?

2008 had it's moments, both good and bad. I know 2009 will bring forth more of the same.



"And if he hadn't been such an insufferable jerk, if his life hadn't fallen apart, if he had valued his gift instead of running from it—shunning the spotlight, carousing, disfiguring his face during a bizarre boxing career, pushing away everyone who cared about him—maybe Rourke would have been the next DeNiro instead of a cautionary tale." - Bill Simmons

My father is probably the main reason that I feel this way. There have been others but he's the focal point. Seems as though when you are at a certain age, and you have people that enter your life for whatever reason, for me it gets to the point of where I'm seeing the ending in a distance. I try to remain positive and hold on but that rope breaks. Friendship/Relationship dies. We move on with our lives. Then later on down the road, in some instances, you get in touch with that person. They're doing well, starting a family, big things popping, etc. But you may wonder what would've happened if that person stayed in your life. How would they affect your well being? Do they have in ulterior motive? Sometimes, you see that person was really there for you(I hate that statement damn reality shows). Other times you cut the grass and the snakes started to show.

Me personally? I think the course lies deeper than the surface. Back when my mother was a Jehovah's Witness, I had an older guy that used to study with me. When I say study, read the publications so that in the future you can officially become one. Speaking of which, I tried to fit in with the youth there and it didn't work. So pretty much when my mother started visiting my best friend's mother, that's how we became close. But getting back to the story. The guy name was Tony and he was married. No kids...well when I used to be there he had none. I saw him some years later and he had a little boy with him. But he was like a positive male role model(used to make sure that I was listening to my mother, doing well in school, etc) So I'm used to being around him all the time and then he tells me one day that he's going to stop studying with me. So I'm like what the fuck? Just some bullshit that was in my ear. So when that was over, I didn't want to attend anymore. So when my best friend went and told her mother that she wasn't trying to go any more, I made sure that I told my mother the same thing. It wasn't like I was a problem child. So mainly that's why I stay to myself. When I access pages on Myspace, Facebook, Crushspot, etc. and I see the photos and read the stories of how a group of friends just had a great weekend, I wished I could've had that experience too. I guess it wasn't in God's plan for me to have that kind of life. My mother and other people say that I belong in Church(I'm guessing that's when I'll come of age.) But I rather just stay in the background. Although at times, I see things and think of ways that I could do it so much more better. I get annoyed with some people who don't take advantage of their well like personalities because they can go so much further than where they are. But they just waste it on stupidity. Eh their loss.

Wow I wasn't expecting to write that much but I guess I just had something things that I wanted to get out of my system.

Video Blog - Relationships

Let me know what you think.


Dream Sequence

So pretty much over the past couple of weeks, I've been having these weird dreams. Here's a sample of them:

1. Random females from my past ganging up against me w/ current female co-workers.

2. Beefing with Bloods over a shirt.

3. Being chased by this African because I witnessed him murder someone.

4. Still being chased by the African then ended up w/ a white woman that kidnapped me.

5. Tams was on Plurk. (Don't ask)


Slightly Buzzed.

So like yeah I'm just on a buzz because I had some Twister left over and some vodka too. So I thought to myself, "Self why don't you mixed these two and see what you come up with."

So I mixed and shaken not stirred.. ha ha I made a James Bond funny. So while I was in Walmart, you doing my part in pumping money back into the economy,(No dis to Jeezy but FRUCK THE RECESSION!!! GOTDAMNIT!!) I spotted this girl walking with another girl and they had kids surrounding(Typical shit you see now and days, nothing new). SO it turns out to be my Step Mother's Granddaughter. So and like she's different. And I was like oh shit, she must've had more kids because she was already fast. But I don't know cuz she made it obvis...(why the fuck can't I spell obvious. See clear as day right there.) So anyway she made it OBVIOUS that she saw me. Like she told the other bird(HAHAHAHA shoutouts to Liz. You should've slapped ol girl. Word up!!)I guess that I was my father's son. Whatever I just kept on pushing the cart. I mean damn it was packed. I saw this other girl that I used to work with at Home Depot. Well she's a freak(and before you ask no I didn't try to holla. She had more facial hair than me but she still spread her pussy like the rainbow. OH SHIT A LIL KIM REFERENCE!!!) So the last time I checked, she was at LOWE'S and shit. Probably fucked half the store there.

So why is that when people get a lil rank, they wanna try to act as if they running things. I mean that shit pisses me off. How you gonna try to act bad ass when you really ain't shit. I mean you on some snitching shit as is. So FRUKC YOU DUDE!!!! PUSSY ASS BEEEEYYOOOTTTCCCHH!!!!

So like I was taking pictures today and I was like oooh..why these shits looks so said. Damn I have a cold, I got the sniffles..wah wah wah. I have to go back to Walmart because they gave me the incorrect belt size and shit. Fucktards!!! Since when did 'fucktard' become a recognizable word by Firefox?

SO what have we learned today...ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!! People that lease cars are still idiots and I will continue to bash those fools. And you know Walmart had a nerve to be out of Chessman cookies!!?? HOW YOU GONNA BE OUT OF CHESSMAN COOKIES!!!! I mean I found one back and it was shivering and shaking in the back. I had to rescue it!!! HERE I AM!!!! FOUR FOURS KNOCK YOUR MAN OFF YOUR POLO SWEATER!!! FUCKING JAY-Z BITCHES!!!!!!

I'M OUT!!!!!


Shouts to T.I.


Where were you?
While I was growing up, no positive male role models in sight.
Where were you?
Going through my days being tormented and trying to avoid fights.
Where were you?
Strung out on drugs known to man.
Where were you?
Trying to survive on $30.90. Moms couldn't understand.

I've done fine without you. Don't need you in my life.
No communication needed. Forgiveness comes with no price.
You've done more for others. Created another family.
Treated me as an outsider. Fuck how you feel, don't explain shit to me.

So much pain, so much aggression, affecting me mentally.
Sperm donor you are. I only see you when I stare in the mirror physically.
Wish I could cut the skin away and walk away soulless as I fall apart.
Pray that THE LORD forgives me for this pain and hate that dwells within my heart.


Side Effects.

"For the rest of my life with you
I finally built up the strength to walk away
Don't regret it but I still live with the side effects
" - Mariah Carey "Side Effects"

So of course we have done things in our past that we wish we could have a retry. Most of the time, we allow that to run its course and we use it as a reflection on what not to do. Now Lord knows I'm not perfect, I've done some things that I'm not proud of, made wrong decisions, etc. All I can do is ask to be forgiven. Sometimes friendships fade for many reasons. But I wish that things could go back to how they used to be. Seeing that person happy is the number one most important thing. So if things do end up on the outs for any reason, just know that I'll cherish those moments we shared.


Thoughts Via Songs..

"And where are you now
Now that i need you
Tears on my pillow
Wherever you go
Cry me a river that leads to your oceans
You'll never see me fall apart" - Bee Gees "Emotions"

Well I was listening to the version that Destiny's Child remade. This song is in fact very emotional. I never let anyone see me fall apart.

"When you look at me things ain't what it seems.
God's got a hold on me.
I've been down on luck.
There and back again.
Yeah, he still cares.
Praise and mercy.
Carry to his name." - Lil Mo "Dotted I(I'm Not Perfect)"

Reminds me of when I do actually go to church. Just know that HE is watching over all of us, no matter how we may live our life.

"If I could take this back I would
If I could rewind the time to when it was all good
I would, take it back to when we said good-bye
If I..." - Foxy Brown "If I"

So many goodbyes

"Looking for sun, all I see is the hail
How I'm gon' trust? All I see is betrayal
It's like they keep trying more and more to subdue me
And only you understand, signed by yours truly" - Joe Budden "Dear Diary"

This song hits home on so many levels. Especially that "How I'm gon' trust?/All I see is betrayal" line.

"I'm a soldier in this war and I resemble my pops
I ain't nothin like him, that's where this criminal stop" - Memphis Bleek "In My Life"

When I did this before, I think back in May or June, I went in depth as to the relationship with my father and myself. Still haven't spoken to him. I have a unfinished letter that I haven't sent to him yet. *sigh*


Don't Ask Because I Won't Tell.

So I'm wondering if I should just sit here and just let things just fade away. Making a decision will affect others, so I'm just hoping that it goes away. No one to really talk to about it because either 1: They wouldn't understand or 2: They have their own stuff going on.

I just feel like shutting things down and just leaving it alone and pray that the situation fixes itself. Always allow myself to get trapped and then have a tough way of getting out. I wish I could go back to the days where it wasn't no action. Just me going about my days not having to worry about shit.

But this the things that you hear about in songs, read about in magazines, hear people talking about: Life. There's no way around it and everyone of us has a story to tell. Just a matter of those that want to listen.


Best Jay-Z Guest Verses. Part 1

So pretty much whenever Jay-Z is featured as a guest on someone's record, I make sure to pay close attention to the track in general. Just because he's been killing it for so long. Now everyone has their opinion on him and basically this is one that I formed on my own while listening to some of his earlier work. These are some of my favorite Jay-Z guest verses that he's done for others(whether it's album, remixes or mixtapes):

- Jay-Z's verse on Amil's "For The Fam".
Favorite lines:

This is much more than rap, it's black entrepreneurship
Clothing, movie, and films, we come to conquer it all
Roc-A-Wear, eighty mill like, eighteen months
You could bullshit wit rap if you want, muthafuckers
When it's all said and done, we gon see what's what

Holla at Hov, I'll be in the cut

- Jay-Z's verse on Big Daddy Kane's "Show And Prove"
Favorite lines:
And ain't no eatin me up, you fast fuckin with jigga
I'm like Prince jeans, I bring the ass out a nigga

- Jay-Z's verse from Freeway's "What We Do"
Lemme get 'em Free
Hov never slackin' mang, zippin' in the black Range
Faster than the red ghost, gettin' ghost wit' Pac-Mang
One-time know a got a knack to get that change
Leader of the black gang, R-O-C mang
Bang like T-Mac, ski mask air it out
Gotta kill witnesses 'cause Free's beard's stickin' out
Y'all don't want no witness shit, we squeeze hammers mang
Bullets breeze by you, like Lousiana mang...
But I gotta feed Tianna mang...
So I move keys you can call me the Piano Man
Rain...sleet, hail...snow man
Slang dough, E, hydro man...

Jay-Z's verse from Juvenile's "Ha(Remix)"
Favorite lines:
You done got yourself in some deep shit
Now you stuck in your house, you gotta peep the remix
You can't go out cuz they gon leave you in a deep ditch
And hit you with the sign if you decide to keep shit
The only reason you alive cuz you read lips
and you drove on the block low in yo' seat an' shit
Seen em mouthin off, they don't need this shit

Jay-Z's verse from Kanye West's "Diamonds From Sierra Leone(Remix)
Favorite lines:
This ain't no tall order, this is nothin' to me
Difficult takes a day, impossible takes a week
I do this in my sleep
I sold kilos of coke, I'm guessin' I can sell CDs
I'm not a businessman
I'm a business, man
Let me handle my business, damn

Jay-Z's verse from Lil Cease's "4 My Niggaz"
Favorite lines:
BK style (what), see Jay how (uh)
We don't play fair, we play foul
Go head, stand there, we spray crowds
Live from the 7-1-8
If there ever was one great
I'm him, nigga, times ten

Jay-Z's verse from Lil Kim's "Big Momma"
Favorite lines:
Pull a high power Coup make, you jump ship
Leave who you wit', I'm with the Roc-A-Fella crew
Trip you for the cheese, tear your room up
Spread a ill rumor, make you flip on Little Ceas


Thought About You(Borrowed Not Stolen)

Thought about you whenever I see that Family Matters Episode. Tracie Spencer FTW.

Thought about you when I see Cheez-Itz and wife beaters in the store.

Thought about you whenever I see the Korean Lady down Lexington Market.

Thought about you whenever I see that Air Tran commercial on television.

Thought about you whenever I get a Bagel w/ Cream Cheese.

Thought about you in August when the Caribbean Carnival comes to town.

Thought about you when I go bowling. I'm gonna get my rematch when I see you.

Thought about you whenever I see Red Lobster on television.

Thought about you when I look at your bracelet.

Thought about you a lot because we have so many memories that we share.

So when do you think about me?



So it seems as if I haven't written anything out in awhile. Not like anyone reads this shit anyway but on to bigger and hopefully much better things:

1. Those confessions led to strong conversation on Sunday. Just glad that things were put out in the open.

2. Lately I've been just been staying to myself, just because that's always the way to go. No bullshit and no whatever else.

3. I've been listening to Joe Budden's "Sidetracked" and "The Soul". They really hit home.

4. Certain ones has been keeping my spirits up. Thanks. You know who you are.

5. I know that there will be light at the end of the tunnel.


Thank You Nesa.

- wants to settle down.
- sometimes feel like I'm taken for granted.
- wonders why I allow my feelings to get so involved.
- hates the fact that I was sheltered most of my life.
- wishes that I could combine those two and have the perfect one.
- loves writing and has things that most will never read.
- procrastinates entirely too much and it will be the death of me.
- hopes that she finds happiness even though she showed me the true meaning of it.
- is so easily sidetracked.
- wishes that I could see the good that they see in me.
- enjoys having stimulating conversation during my downtime.
- text messaging is my addiction.
- hates that alone feeling.
- loves to travel.
- enjoys cooking and hopes to get better at it.
- wants to go on an actual vacation.
- wants to get that Bachelor's Degree.
- misses Princess and thinks how she helped raise me.
- hates the fact that I love so hard.
- enjoys music on a daily basis.
- speaking of.. 90's hip hop > today's hip hop <>
- misses my porn addiction.
- is mad that I only have 22 so far.
- enjoys acting goofy.
- loves the relationship that I have with my mother.
- hates the relationship that I have with my father.
- doesn't associate with most males due to that fact.
- gets busy. *winks*
- he is glad at the fact that he's overlooked. The ones that took a chance would do it again.
- wants to finish this soon.
- has ideas floating about this story and should write them down.
- will continue this soon when I'm not so tired.


Something That I Wrote For Someone Else.

If she walks past you, better glance twice

Her walk stops traffic and her accent sounds just as nice

Must come correct with the verb, her presence is double the price

Ladies watch and admire, wishing they had the skill

Fellas take notice and give respect, late night dreaming erupting of that thrill

She embodies the knowledge of Mr. Jones

The hustlers swagger of Mr. Carter

The business ethnic of Mr. Combs

Coming up she caught a few losses

Brushed if off and returned

On to crush the pride of the big bosses

Her demeanor is fearless, leaving foes breathless

Watch jaws drop as she brokers multi-million dollar deals

Even under pressure she doesn’t drip sweat

Even after she’s gone, they wonder who’s gonna fill her heels

She represents the single mothers, the determined sisters

Making those chess moves since her career goals must be fulfilled.

Continuing to smash barriers, because for second place she’s reaching up the ladder

2008 brought us the first black president, years later she’ll get her shine

Because she just proved that women can play the game better.


Been A Minute

since I've co-signed a group. But I saw these females video and I was like wow. I'm gonna be checking for them in the upcoming months.

Electrik Red feat. The Dream - Drink In My Cup.


Proud To Be An American

My President's Black.

We All Were A Part Of History.

My Vent To The Election Haters...

Breathe in...
...Breathe out


Some Saturday Morning Shit.

Yeah I know it's dark. It was shot that way intentionally. But anyway don't forget to turn your clocks back tonight.


Morning, Afternoon, Evening

Good morning with kisses in the sunlight
Not wanting to leave your side
Having vivid memories of last night
You moaned, I begged, clothes came off
Your touch sent a shock up my spine
Damn kiss me again. Lips are seductive and oh so soft
Musical sounds of your voice as I explored your territory
You pushed me in deep wanted to get it rough
Bodies danced in unison as we reached that climatic joy

Late afternoon and I'm feening for that drug
Shoot that love inside my soul
Send me shaking, eyes rolling in my head
What...ahh fuck I am losing control
Can't wait until I see your smile
Fuck saying hello and how was your day
I want to taste those nipples so kindly remove that blouse

It's the evening and your are wearing that beater
I'm feeling so hot that I could set off a 4-alarm blaze
Love making, love creation, love so amazing
I would just want to be in your company for days
Embracing your touch, sealing your kiss, going farther than where we start
Knowing that I want to give our forever
Because like a thief, you've stolen my heart.


Shining Light

As we walk this path called life
Many roads was traveled, crossed and mixed with others
But that shining light led me stray
Not knowing where it would lead or would I find another
Met many females who I thought was the one
But that shining light lead me in your direction
The light took me to an ocean. As I stared
I saw my future in the reflection
It was full of happiness and wedded bliss
And after we said our "I Do" and watched our families cry
We shared our final last first kiss.


"Have you ever been stabbed in the back
By someone you thought was really cool
Did they steal your heart or was it money
Or was it lies they told
Strangers just disguised as your friends
Never again ‘cause now you know

That friends will let you down
Friends won't be around
When you need them most
Where are your friend

Friends are hard to find
Friends, yours and mine
I'm talkin' ‘bout your friends" - Jody Watley - "Friends"

So I was having a conversation with an old(well not so old) friend of mines and
she brought to light of a situation that she was dealing with and she asked for my advice.
So she explained it all to me and I gave her some advice.

So it just made me think about the times that folks would stab you in the back just for any reason.
It could be in the workplace, church, someone that you knew forever and a day. They are all of capable of
sticking that sharp metal knife in your back and twisting it.

Every now and then I get a little easy
I let a lot of people depend on me
I never though they would ever deceive me
Don't you know when times got rough I was standing on my own
I'll never let another get that close to me
You see I've grown a lot smarter now
Sometimes you have to choose and then you'll see
If your friends is true they'll be there with you
Through the thick and thin
" - TLC - "What About Your Friends"

My mother would always tell me while I was coming up, that not everyone is going to be your friend.
I would always think that she was being mean because was always telling me things that she said was for my
good. So then when I would hang out with these so called "friends", I would see things they do that was against my judgment and how some of them were two faced as hell. But in that song that I quoted from TLC, they hit the nail right on the head. I guess some people have their reasons as for what they do.

First I see 'em then I don't, they disappear
First she tried to slit my throat,now she ain't there
" - Lil Kim - "Backstabbers"

So now my circle remains small because of past dealings with others. I may associate with some but they don't get that
friend title. It takes a lot for you to be even included in the circle. So I just stay to myself and avoid those politics as usual. Jay-Z did say once that "
If every nigga in your clique is rich your clique is rugged, Nobody will fall cause everyone will be each others crutches." Well I've had too many crutches broken in my lifetime and I'm standing on my own.


Friday Blah-fest.

Promoters need to get their money right.


Females Point Of View

So you know the last post was from the white girl and she broke down about how the females should operate. Well know I've received insight from another friend of mines, we'll call her P.

Me: It seems to be something wrong when they are doing it. I only had one female that did it the way that I guess it's supposed to be done.

P: lol! Tell me this, do you ever have the oh shit factor when you say "oh shit." like at least 3 times and mean it while she's doin it?

Me: Nah. It's like it's being done because it has to not because they enjoy it.

P: Then yeah, it's the females. They must just suck with no craft. You gotta have a strategy, lol.

Well there you have it.


Words From The White Girl

Fe-Fe: I think EVERY women should know how to cook, clean and suck a mean penis
Fe-Fe: and work
Fe-Fe: true story
Fe-Fe: take care of your mens, as long his ass is working there is no need for him to have to come home to a dirty house and no food
Fe-Fe: word



Video Blog

Too much cursing..I know.

But I got my point across.


So I was watching this video, and it reminds me of just hearing shit from my youth:

- trying to bust LL Cool J's "My Radio" during lunch time and failing miserably. :cry2:

- meeting Eric B and Rakim during a autograph signing

- hearing The Chronic, Doggystyle, Ready to Die, Illmatic and Reasonable Doubt for the first time.

- when Wu Tang Clan used to get played daily.

- Watching The Box(Who remembers that), BET and MTV -- When they actually showed music videos.

Music has changed and not necessarily for the best either.


Video Blog - Pinky Bear Edition

<a href="http://video.msn.com/video.aspx?vid=a50e0768-fd35-4ff6-a4c9-7ebb7b4a3cb2" target="_new" title="Video Blog - Pinky Bear Edition">Video: Video Blog - Pinky Bear Edition</a>

Ladies make sure you are getting checked out.


Hope Says...

"Sometimes my burdens get so heavy
And it seems too hard to bear
Sometimes I feel so empty
And it feels like no one's there
Somebody said that nothing lasts forever
Just the storm so I've been told
But it seems that when it rains it pours" - Rain Don't Last


Some Photos From Friday Night

Black Thought

Eric from GCH



So Travis had on this Passion Before Fashion Shirt. And I want it. =0|


I Should've Brought My Camera =0/

So pretty much, I went to a great fucking concert last night. This show was just awesome overall. Estelle is a great singer and she had the crowd moving. She performed songs such as Wait A Minute(Just A Touch), More Than Friends, Pretty Please(Love Me) and American Boy.
She also brought Travis from GCH out to do a song...can't think of it right now. I'll google it later.

So then it was a brief intermission, while they removed Estelle's set and set up for Gym Class Heroes. The lights go down and that's when the band emerged on the stage. If you ever go to a Gym Class Heroes show, you'll be in for a treat. I mean thoroughly entertained. They performed songs from Papercut Chronicles, As Cruel As School Children, and new release The Quilt. Damn I should have brought my camera. They did bring out Estelle to do Guilty Until Proven Innocent and this one white chick to do Drnk Txt Romeo. I just realized that they didn't perform New Friend Request or Don't Tell Me It's Over. Actually I wanted to hear Live Forever(Fly With Me).

Finally the main acts of the evening came to the stage, The Roots. Now being as though I'm a new listener to The Roots (although I've known that they have been around since the 90's) they did a medley of hits such as You Got Me, Rising Up, Get Busy, and that other song where they are performing on stage and the curtain opens and closes. That song just slipped my mind.

But overall the show was great. The only issues were that they were late doing sound check and people kept wanting to come to the front when it was already tight as is.

Well I'm done here. Catch me on Plurk...later on Twitter.


No Title(Just Listen To Me)

So my grandmother's birthday is next week and I suggested to my mother that we do something nice for her. Now my grandmother and I have this running question and answer thing that dates back to when I was little:

Me: Grandma, how old are you?

Grandma: I'm 41 Derek.

Me: 41? When you gonna be 100?

So each year that her birthday comes around, we've always counted down the years until she answers my question. But sometimes, the way this thing called life works, we don't always get our questions answered. It happens to the everyone that has something planned for the future and something deters it from being answered.

Now back to my original post, when you lose someone that was close but you never get to patch up things that might have needed it. For example, I was watching an episode of Home Improvement one night. So Jill's father asked could he come visit her and what not. So she came up with some excuse about being tired from school. Then they very next day, her father passed away. So she was feeling that regret that she turned her father away and now she wouldn't get a chance to get that back.

So when that happens, does that person live a life long guilt? They wanted to make up with that old friend/relative and it can never be. This is why I say that beef is fuckin wack. It's not point to it. Yeah you are mad at that person but whatever the reason is, fuck it and bury that shit. Life is too short to be holding grudges.


Aye Caramba!!

Ravens lost. Womp

Poprah may get kicked off of "I Wanna Work For Diddy". Double Womp

Stock Market Crashed. Triple Womp












Blog List

So yeah, go peep that link over there in Blog List.

Just something I'm doing..

Ok I'm going to sleep now.


From A Damaged Soul

As I lay here feeling sick -- not in the literally sense
But more like the present -- real time
What I end up saying will be foreseen in future tense
Mind is racing with thoughts, theories
Nah she wouldn't do that -- Forever our love will represent
She told me fables, stories, had my teeth marks in her forbidden fruit
Felt the poison running through my veins - mind said she was heaven sent
But I felt like I was trapped - many doors to exit but no way out
Inner emotions starting to rise -- heart wants to relieve of that hold
Her voice spins it different -- makes it seem like things will be alright
Trust me and I'll never hurt you -- one of the many lies I was told
Many days of harmful kisses -- those nights were I Love You exchanged
She said it without batting an eye -- her actions broke love laws very bold
As I sit here full of pain -- Pen this for those that share the blame
Realizing that I am human -- but inside mentally and emotionally I'm turning cold.

Best Hip Hop Show Ever...

O rly?

I don't know if it could get any better than last night.

O-Gun(local Baltimore hip hop artist) - He was pretty good. Just that he had too many dudes on stage. I'm like so serious. One dude was standing in one spot muggin hard as hell.

Big Shug - He's from Boston. He did some shit with Gang Starr. Had the crowd hyped up.

Terminology - This was my first time hearing this dude and he really impressed me. He dropped the line "I'm what Eminem would be if he was a Spic." Crowd was on it.

Joe Budden - He blew that shit up. His stage presence is mad crazy and we was on every word. He had Killa BH with him. I mean if they would give him a reality television show, I'd watch that.


Big Shug & Singapore Kane


Joe Budden & Killa BH


We All We Got.

"Bad news keeps comin'
Hard to keep something on ya stomach
Your sick 'bout what ya life is becoming" - Jay-Z "Fallin"

So today I received some bad news. Now whether I choose to say what that news is
remains to be seem. But just know that you never know the effects of something until it hits home with you directly. So I look at my immediate family and by me being the youngest, I have decisions to make. I'm sure that things will work out eventually, but plans that I had have to be put on hold. But it was cool tonight 4 generations just laughing and having a great time.


24 Seasons(Dear Princess)

Wow. It's been six years since you went home. That fateful Sept. 24th when I received the phone call from my mother that you had died. It's like a piece of me went along with you that day. Things just hasn't been the same since and we all miss you just being there.

I remember the very first day that I met you. I didn't know why you were in the bed all the time and maybe I was too young to get the full details. So as the years went and I got older, we had grown closer. More like a second mother to me, who would praise me for doing good and discipline when I wasn't acting right. Even more confusing to everyone else, they didn't understand why you had that special nickname. (It wouldn't register when someone else tried to call you that.)

Words can't even describe how I felt at the funeral, when I heard that name being read off. I wanted to leave but I had undeserving people blocking me from getting out. I was writing something for you in memory of how I felt, but I could never get those words out so that's why I'm writing this(well typing this letter to you). I love you and miss you so much. Things just hasn't been the same since you passed. It's like everyone has gone in opposite directions with their lives. I just wish you could come back for one day, just to hear you laugh, see you smile and have that wonder atmosphere back.

I remember the Friday night card games, how you gave me my first job($5 every month for keeping the yard clean and waxing the floor), how your family embraced my mother and I. Just typing this is making me think back on so many memories. I remember when you sent me on the wild goose chase to get you some peanuts. I had finally found some for you, only to find out the store didn't take food stamps. So I had to go back to the house to get the actually money and go back around Old Town Mall to get your peanuts.

I'm trying to think of more to say but the words are getting harder for me to type. So I'll leave you with this Diana Ross song. It sums up how I've been feeling for the past 24 seasons.

Love you and miss you always,


P.S.A./Video Blog # Something...

I can't hate on dude though. He had empty cans of Natty Boh.

This is just me rambling for some minutes.



If I could go back and just replay Saturday
I would.

Today didn't go quite as well as I wanted it to.

Well at least it's Sunday.

Ravens play at 4:15.

Good morning.


More Randomness...

So I had another video ready to be uploaded, but YouTube rejected it.

It was too long.

So I'll have to wait.



Late Sunday Afternoon

McDonald's stealing from Chic-Fil-A? Wot!?

Show And Tell

Speaks for itself.



I laughed while watching this..

Would've Had This Posted Sooner...

Another Video

But Myspace was acting hella gay. But this was recorded on Wednesday.

And that Little Brother show is tonight.


Post #100

So I reached an epic milestone in blogging: #100. Well being that is #100 I should go back in review the other 99 and post thoughts about them. Pffft yeah right. Well a bit of good news, no one still doesn't read this blog. I think I should sell space to the g'ovt and if they want to post secrets here then it's fair game. NO ONE READS THIS CRAP ANYWAY!!!

Well the Ravens are 1-0 with the chance to go 2-nil next week against Houston. Flacco will be getting the start and if we stick to the same formula, we can be victorious again.

I can't stand arguments. Just one of my pet peeves.

If T.I. would've really fought Chris Brown yesterday, who would have won?

One day it will all make sense.


Here Goes Nothing

First Of Few...

It is what is is people.


Late Night Blog Entry

Yeah so I'm blogging this entry since I'm waiting on this Gym Class Heroes to download. I've been watching the RNC this week and basically everyone is going crazy about Sarah Palin's comments about Obama and the Dem Party. I mean yeah I would go hard too if someone wrote me a speech dissing someone else. Then McCain had a speech where he basically went hard at everyone. Then folks are talking about the experience factor. McCain was a POW of war and he's been in office for quite sometime. Then they say will Sen. Obama doesn't have much of experience in office.

1. 12 years must be considered 2 days in terms of politics.

2. Palin has only been Gov. for less than 2 years so she's an infant to him.

UGH -- I've made it through another work week. I'm like mad tired..so yeah I am going to end this..



What It Do.

Yeah just wanted to come drop a few lines since I was away for a few days. Had such a kick ass time and that was the last trip of the summer. Fall is coming soon.

So I'm writing something new and I'll post the new blog link soon. Just trying to get a general idea of where I want to go with this story.

I don't know why I've been on a 90's R&B kick as of late. Guess that decade brought us some great songs. I miss the slow jam station on Digital Cable. I would go to sleep with that on.

Football season starts on Thursday. I've been waiting for the new season ever since the Giants won the Super Bowl. Joe Flacco will be starting for the Ravens. I'm hoping that he will shut the critics up.

Ok my Yahoo! Fantasy Football teams has been drafted. Foolish me waiting until the last minute to turn the team draft status to ready...But I got a decent squad.

I am hearing that the Power Couple Hov and B may tour next year...Gonna be a hot summer.

Ok I'm done. I'll have something more useful later.


Teenage Dating.

Ok I have a little sister. She's not really my sister but we have that sibling rivalry with each other. So she's starting 7th grade and you know around that time that's they start to attract the opposite sex. So there is this dude that is 14 calling her and what not. But she doesn't like him and she didn't want to hurt his feelings.(Bullshit I say. You should hear the things that come out of her mouth.) So he called twice and she didn't answer the phone. He called a third time and I answered the phone. So I'm talking to him and he's talking all this yadda yadda in my ear like "I'm not like these other guys. I really like her. I'm a virgin" So since I'm older and like Sunshine Anderson says heard it all before, I kicks the real to him. She didn't want to talk to him at all but he was thinking that I was lying. So after all that back and forth, I hung up the phone. He called back an hour later and my mother answered the phone. She started preaching to him seriously. Then it comes out that dude is in high school.

I had to grab the phone back on that note. High School? He has plenty of freshman and upper classmen at his disposal and he wants to kick it with a barely teenage female who is in middle school? When I started high school, middle females instantly became a thing of the past. Although I would hear whispers of dudes(mostly 9th graders) still chopping it up with middle school females, it was a sea of upper classmen ladies there. Especially Gym Class. So he's still going on and on about liking her. So when I handed the phone to lil sis, she simply hung up. He called back once more and my mother got serious and pulled the "If-You-Don't-Stop-Calling-Here-I-Will-Have-Your-Mother-Phone-Cut-Off" card and after that he was no more.

The point I'm trying to make: Be aware of who your siblings are talking to in this day and age. Even if they are annoying little pests, just keep an eye out. R. Kelly just beat charges that were 6 years old.

Too Good To Speak.

Have you ever encountered a person that thought they were too good to speak back? Whether it's at school, work, church or whatever, that person showcased their rude side. Those people just rub me the wrong way. Like it would hurt them to just say hello. I'm not asking for a in-depth speech about your life, just be courteous. This happens on a lot of websites too. Maybe that person has a certain demographic that they will only reply too. *shrugs* It makes them look very lame in the process.

Also, this could be brought up on the subject of when you text a person. If you're not going to respond, we can just both delete each others number out of the phones and be done with it. No sense in wasting texts on a person that doesn't want to respond.


Collect My Monies

So pretty much I won $246.50 on Friday and I wasn't there to get it. But I got it today and it's not even burning a hole in my pocket. So like folks was saying congrats and blah blah blah. I'm really not feeling that job or those people.

But I really want to know is how people that win those mega millions end up broke. I mean yeah I understand that you are newly rich and you want to show off what you won. But hell, invest that money. Hell I know I would buy stake in some of my former employers in a minute. Start a college fund for the younger kids. So when it's time for them to head off to college they won't have to struggle, they'll be well off.

Create your own business. Your idea(s) could lead up to more money like ca-ching mutha bitch!!!!


Straight Shooting It..

Sitting here listening to Dear Diary
Feeling the emotional tone and embracing the beat
Realizing that I keep those feelings bottled up
When it unleashes, it seems like cold winters waiting for heat
Things on my mind, choices, decisions to be made
You can read the process on my face as I walk these streets

Rather walk solo than be voiceless in a group
Play the background although I want to be in the spotlight
Lord know there's a star inside of me
But I'd rather stay dim than attract attention by shining bright
Too much of that places a target on your back
Subliminal shots rang out...BULLSEYE...That's the end of your plight

Some think I'm funny acting and my tone is rude
But when you've walk down my road and faced what I had to
It makes you a cautious more like a no nonsense dude
Of course they don't understand
Just because they aren't being catered to
I don't need your friendship...Alone I'll stand

She didn't share my vision
So I had to separate myself
Align myself within another division
Bad experiences within my past have me scared for the future
Not trying to have this end with a head on collision
Hoping that in due time these old wounds will heal
Sat alone crying in the dark, I was begging her for mercy
Pray that I can escape these bad memories get em zipped and sealed
Trying to save face by cutting deals with the devil
Nowhere else to turn cuz I'm fresh out of appeals.


Under My Skin

"Your trying, but it's all right
There is no way I'm let you take what I have found within
Your trying so hard to get under my skin
This is a battle that you won't win
Your trying, but it's all right
There is no way I'll ever be unhappy again
Your trying so hard to get under my skin
Your trying, but it's all right" - Vivian Green

Everyone of us has dealt with this types of people. They do whatever they can to get to your nerves.
Reflect on your past, take your kindness for weakness, etc. But you are determined not to let them
get the best of you. They are the ones bringing negatives vibes into your peaceful atmosphere. They can be
family, friends, your significant others, etc. Evil intentions are what they are about and you have to be strong to cast them away.

"I'm feelin faith
And no you can't take that from me
Your driving all your energies into yourself
Turn it into positivity" - Vivian Green

So what is needed to be done is that you should channel that negative energy
and turn it into positive. That's what we all should do instead of allowing any and everything to
bring you down.

A Look Back

As I walk through this journey called life, I take a look back at the decisions that I made. Some where good, others were bad, some were stupid, others were smart and a few were a mix of all four. (Don't ask) But I look at those people that offered advice because at certain points, I really didn't have anyone that I could talk to. So I would strike up conversations with some people and they would give me insight. So as I accomplished one major goal in 2008, that left with more questions unanswered. Decisions have to be made and I need to concentrate on what's best. Anything negative can be turned into a positive.

Maybe that's the reason I went through three years of pain to get where I am right now.


I Miss

- the days when you could get a frozen cup from Ms. Betty's house.

- sitting in the window blasting Snoop and Biggie while rapping lyrics word for word.

- playing "It" and "Hide -N- Seek" during the early morning hours.

- when the best porn was the ones on bootleg tapes.

- when Martin was on the airwaves.

- listening to the radio when it wasn't filled with garbage.

- making tapes of us acting complete fools.

Sorry about that -- just took a minute to reflect on the past.


The Weekend That Was...

This has been a crazy weekend. For the most part, it was all good and I enjoyed myself. But let's have a brief recap:

1. The untimely deaths of Bernie Mac and Issac Hayes - We lost them both this weekend and the world will miss Mac's comedy style and Hayes will always be remembered for his legendary music career and he also made many cameos in movies. Some fans will remember him most as Chef from South Park. Just make sure that you tell your loved ones that you love them.

2. John Edwards admits that he cheated on his wife - Well he fucked up...he know he fucked up. He was well respected through the political community and it shows that they can even fall with the worst of them. Edwards stated that he told his wife about the affair and she even released a statement asking for forgiveness and privacy. Now Edwards is claiming that he isn't the father of the daughter the woman gave birth to, although the National Enquirer has photos of him playing with the baby. Someone get Maury on the line..

3. Man dies after stabbing and woman is critical injured after attack in Beijing, China - This sour note mars the opening of the 2008 Olympics. The man who did the stabbing ended up committing suicide after the attack. I just hope that security is beefed up so nothing else like this will happen.

4. Brett Farve arrives in New York City - He received Junior's Cheesecakes, $4 Metrocard and a key chain from the MTA. Hopefully, he'll shine light on the other team that isn't the Giants.

I am tired and I really don't want to go to work tomorrow. So everyone enjoy your week.


Gotta Dress Up

I can't stand dressing up. But sometimes in life, you have to do things that you really don't want to do. So I'm going to do this whole business causal and show that I can be "corporate".

I may take photos. Eh



Kind vs. Angry

So this girl that sits in front of me sent me a forward that said describe me in one word but the catch is that you have to use the last letter in that person's first name. So her last letter begin with "A" so I thought Angry. So she stood up and asked, "You think I'm angry Derek?" I kind of fumbled that one because there were plenty of "A" words that I could've used. But angry just popped into my head first. So she replied that I was kind (for those that may stumble upon this, K is the last letter in my first name). But I wouldn't think that I was a kind person, well only towards certain people. Call that selfish but still it's like when you are kind to people, you have those that take that for weakness. So that's why most of those now come in contact with the evil side. The side that doesn't speak and will tell you about yourself. The don't give a fuck if you like me or not side. Now those that generally see that side are those that are sometimey or funny acting. I don't ask anyone to kiss my ass or anything. So I don't know where folks get that from but that ain't me. So all I am doing is being me. If I don't bother you, don't make an issue about it. Just keep it moving.

Zune Tracks/ Duffy's new video

No Kind Of Order

  1. Gym Class Heroes feat. The Dream - Cookie Jar
  2. Gym Class Heroes feat. Busta Rhymes - Peace Sign Up/Index Down
  3. Gym Class Heroes - Blinded By The Sun: I fucks with this heavy.
  4. Mariah Carey feat. T.I. - I'll Be Loving You Long Time
  5. Busta Rhymes feat. Lil Wayne and Ludacris - Throw It Up
  6. Al Be Back - Love You More: Chubby kid from ATL track
  7. Lil Mo - No Hotel
  8. Hot Styles feat. Yung Joc - Looking Boy
  9. Jennifer Hudson feat. Rick Ross - Spotlight Remix
  10. Joe Budden - Who

So Duffy has a new video for Stepping Stone. The song is basically about an old love didn't give her his all and that she still wanted him. Sample of the lyrics:

you still call me up from time to time
and it would be so hard for me not to cross the line
the words of love lye on my lips just like a curse
and i knew, oh yes i knew they'd only make it worse
and now you have the nerve to play along
just like the mistro beats in your song
you got your kicks, you get your kicks from playing me
and the less you give the more i want, so foolishly.

Check out the song, it's pretty cool.



So VH1 premiered 3 new shows on Monday night. I Want To Work For Diddy, Luke's Parental Advisory and New York Goes Hollywood. Now being as though these three shows comes on between the hours of 9-11p, I really don't want to split time from watching RAW and those three. So I watched all three today and I'll give my spin on each one.

1. I Want To Work For Diddy

So pretty much it's a bunch of people that want to be Diddy's Personal Assistant. You have the loud, boss one of the bunch(Kim), the black dudes that want to make a name for themselves, the white chicks, the ghetto girl and the token transgender person. So pretty much their first test were to complete a bunch of tasks. And I think the Downtown team won.

So my take on this is that if you are going to be working for a person like Diddy, you are going to have to really step your game up. You can't be sitting around just twiddling your thumbs, you have to PRODUCE RESULTS! A person like Diddy don't want no slacker. And from the looks of his former P.A.'s, he ran them ragged.

2. Luke's Parental Advisory

The 2 Live Crew frontman has his own reality show (who doesn't these days). He pretty much is about to get married and I guess this show is to show his family life or what not. Premiere episode talked about his son and porn. Luke's soon to be wife (heard they are married now with no pre-nup..HA that must be love.) found a porn dvd (folks still buy porn dvd's wooow) under Luther Jr's bed. So Luke played the father role and told him not to watch the flick. Asked him was he having sex and that he had to cut loose the 15 year old girlfriend with a child (guess that's news to him). Son countered with the whole oh you were doing things young too and kids around his age are gonna want to watch porn. Luke goes to Staples or Office Depot to get the blocker.

Now I was having a conversation with bae about this. Now we all know about how Luke is -- it's a business. But yes he has children now and he has to keep that seperated. That would be really irresponsible if he were to have his children caught up in the mix of his work life. Yes we know Luke got paid off of how he portrayed women and one would assume that since that is his son, he would follow in Daddy's footsteps. But not all kids are that way. You don't see Hulk Hogan's two children in the wrestling ring (Brooke has her own show and Nick's in prison trying not to drop the soap). Anyway, the point I'm making is when you are in the entertainment business, you do what your job to put food on the table. If you have a family, you have to keep things separated from your job. I think I'm gonna like Luke's show.

3. New York Goes Hollywood.

Uh yeah Tiffany is trying to become an actress. So since she's "dating" Tailor Made, she has a new house in L.A. and she's trying to get her thing moving. She has an assistant and she did a comedy thing. Blah Blah

Eh this show is boring. I guess things will pick up with the new dude she is all over. Plus her moms is making an appearance. *gag*